Cop humor

[Yogimus]

Our guy got rear ended by a kidnapping suspect, with the kid in the car. The dude wasn't buckled in, so he was out cold. The Airman got a medal for saving the kid.

[Kommander]

You know we act like "Oh anyone would have done what I did and saved the day", and we would like to think that it's true. But it isn't. Perhaps it was at one point, but today when the world needs a hero, even for small time stuff, people like us are getting rarer every day.

[Yogimus]

Nah. The % is the same as it ever was and ever will be. Every year a kid around here saves someone from drowning, or rushes an ATV accident victim to a hospital, or performs CPR on someone till medics arrive, and it has been like that since I started paying attention.

[toad]

After using pepper spray on a suspect be sure to wash your hands well before taking a wizz.

My favorite is the story about the dude who went up to Alaska to go fishing. He got all new gear and found a float plane pilot to fly him way up there. The pilot asked him what he was using to defend himself from bears and the dude said he had it covered. He had purchased the pepper based bear spray. The pilot dropped him off then flew back over where he dropped him off on a hunch. Sure enough he was thrashing around on the bank. Didn't read the instructions apparently, bear spray not bear repellant.

[George guy]

I have never handled pepper spray, but last month I did chop up a pound of jalapenos with my bare hands.


Acetone. Obviously not good on the mucous membranes, but on skin it's great.

[Jered]

My favorite OC story is when Border Patrol was taking some guy back to Canada. He didn't cooperate, and earned himself some OC face paint. In the ensuing struggle, he clapped his hands to his face. Well, Border Patrol got him up to Canada, and CBSA started the decon procedure. CBSA had the guy in belly chains with his hands in front. Guy decided that he needed to use the bathroom, so, CBSA let him do so. Guy touches penis with contaminated hands. Burning sensation ensues. Guy screams, "My cock's on fire!"

A good time was had by all.

[Yogimus]

Officer: "Airman, do you have change for a dollar?"

Airman: "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"

Officer: "Airman, do you have change for a dollar?"

Airman: "No, SIR!"

[toad]

An Army captain new to a unit that had been in place for some time and was giving movement instructions with the aid of a map and swagger stick in Korea. He was very condescending and would point to a town, village, or named terrain feature, and would say each time, "and I spell that ........" for every one of them. At the end he asked, "Do you understand me? and a shave tail said, "Yes Sir! And I spell that C-U-R."