Erm... how does a 30 yr old learn to ask out decent women

[MelodyByrne]

Are you talking in theory or do you have someone in mind?

[moose42]

Step 1. Find a decent woman.

Step 2. Say the following words. "Hi (insert decent woman's name here) would you like to go (insert activity of choice here) with me?

Step 3a. Go do said activity. Have fun, be yourself.

Step 3b. Say "Oh that's alright, maybe next time." Then go sulk in a corner until you get over the rejection.

Note: The activity of choice should be appropriate for the level of the relationship. Starting off smaller is better. Going out with another couple is a good idea. It makes the decent woman usually feel more comfortable plus it can be fun.

This is what I did, and now I have a wonderful wife and three kids. So it worked for me.

Step 1 can be the hardest part. I met mine as a sophomore in high school. I didn't make it to step two until six years later.

[JKosprey]

I've had limited success with internet dating. I've always been better at writing than I am at speaking in person, so it shows off my better side. It also tends to help me find women I'm more likely to get along with, without having to spend the money on a bunch of dates to figure that out. I don't tend to connect with (most)women in my age group and I'm not really into older women, so it helps with that too.

[Evyl Robot]

Now that you mention it, I never had any success asking women out cold. Huh. As Baja said, just wait for them to give the signals. When I was single, I found the signals to be subtle and difficult to pick up on - like butt grabbing butt or kissing. Apparently, that means a girl likes you (I was dense when younger). Believe it or not, you can learn to read these signs even before they happen! (An important skill to learn that will contribute to a happier and safer marriage.) Of course, when I was dating, I'm pretty sure the net was mythical at the time, but I do have friends that are married to people they met on the interwebtron, FWIW.

Step 2. Say the following words. "Hi (insert decent woman's name here) would you like to go (insert activity of choice here) with me?

If you are asking someone who you have not been out with before, I would avoid suggesting activities like 'kicking boots' in the quoted example.

[arctictom]

I realized I've never asked a woman out... Things are definitely finished bet. Formerly Darling and I, and, aside from her, I was usually either drunk enough, or still strong-and-young enough, that women just kinda ended up being around.

Ask your Dad , asking us is really asking for it .

[Dub_James]

Deny them your [strike]essence[/strike] wallet!

FIFY

[Dub_James]

There's an utter arse-load of free and pay information out there for men these days. While some of it is geared to younger men on the prowl, the same kinds of techniques and mindset work across demographics and age groups. Remember - Attraction is not a choice!

[workinwifdakids]

Step 2. Say the following words. "Hi (insert decent woman's name here) would you like to go (insert activity of choice here) with me?

If you are asking someone who you have not been out with before, I would avoid suggesting activities like 'kicking boots' in the quoted example.

See, Evyl Robot, I was sitting there thinking, "Should it be me AGAIN who earns the Gun Counter Line Crosser Merit Badge? And then you took one for the team. Thank you!

BTW, Aglifter, I totally dare you to walk up to a woman with a 3x5 recipe card, and intently stare at the card as you say, "Hi (insert decent woman's name here) would you like to go (insert activity of choice here) with me?" word for word. It's guaranteed to get a laugh, you won't be able to keep from laughing, and there's no WAY she'll turn you down after that! If you can make a woman laugh, you're good to go. Remember: a woman's largest sex organ is her brain.

Oh, and just because I have no impulse control, here's a list of introductions to women. I have used these to forge long-lasting romantic relationships:

6. Oh, are you the fat friend?
5. My friend wants to know if you think I’m cute.
4. If you were a booger, I’d pick you.
3. Inheriting $200 million doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart.
2. You’re so hot, you melt the plastic in my underwear.
1. Can you help my find my puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel across the street.

[Highspeed]

I once hit it off with a schoolteacher, who I think was attracted to guys from out of her immediate social circle ( i.e. bikers who like guns rather than left wing girlymen )

The next morning she said to me - " It was really sweet, what you said to me last night " and I was bit taken aback because while I'm not a caveman I'd been fairly direct about asking her if she wanted to get it on.

I explained this to her and she replied " Yes, but it was special because it was the only sentence you spoke all night which didn't contain a swear word "

[Greg]

There are any number of tricks you can use, if all you want is a good time. What they all boil down to is "learn to be deceptive and manipulative". I hate that crap, I hate people who do that crap- it poisons the well for everyone.

I've not had an enormous number of relationships, but I've always done surprisingly well with "nice" girls, the ones you show off to your family. The secret to my success, such as it is, is just to relax and be yourself. Be relaxed, be friendly, and be *honest*. Don't think too far ahead, don't try too hard, just be you. Either that will appeal, or it won't. In either case, it's for the best.

I'll give you some personal anecdotes:

The most beautiful girl I ever dated picked *me* up. (Oh my she was fashion-model caliber, my coworkers were so jealous.) I was sitting in a coffee house by myself, reading a book and waiting for some friends to maybe show up. This amazing girl and her (even hotter but not as pretty, oh well) friend walk in. Girl sits such that I'm between her and the counter. Orders coffee, walks past me to sit. Walks past me to go get it. Walks past me to sit down. Walks past me to get sugar. Walks past me to sit down. Walks past me to go to the ladies room... The whole time I watch her, some, but mainly just read my book. No oggling, no leering. Turns out she was a nerd- math major in college. She liked smart guys who read, and any staring would have creeped her out. She finally moved to sit down across from me and said "is that a good book?". Conversation went from there, our first date was that coming weekend. It went well. Oh yes. And all I did on the date was be myself and be nice to her. Well enough that it turned into an entire 3-day weekend in my bedroom.... She was as sweet-natured as she was beautiful, and also an amazing cook. And yes, I broke up with her because she was also seriously crazy. Turns out being beautiful is bad for you. But she introduced me to that friend, the one who was there with her when we first met.... Oh, yeah.

Oh and the single most embarrassing way I ever introduced myself to a girl worked out because I was honest about it. There was this girl I saw in a bookstore- first time I saw her I thought "I have to ask her out". But I wimped out at first, and she left. I asked around and it turns out we knew some people in common, but not people I was close to. Shortly after that, I IM'ed her (yes, I did, *blush*) and said "Hi." Basically. Her reaction was "who the hell are you?". I explained that I was shy, she was pretty, that we knew people in common, that I understood the importance of a proper introduction but getting one would take too long, that life was short. Two days later she emailed me- she'd asked around and found out we did know people in common, and that I was indeed a bit shy- and told me the IM self-introduction was creepy but the sentiment and honesty was nice, and that if I asked her out she'd consider it. I asked her to lunch, she said yes. We had a nice time. We dated off and on for a couple of years, and if I hadn't met the girl who became my wife we might still be together (permanently). She was a very special girl.