Bar Flies and Idiots

[JAG2955]

I have no idea why PBR is big here because there aren't any hipsters...

Because it's cheap and it's somewhat palatable. The same reason why Iron City is still in business, and in certain areas of PA outsells Budweiser.


HTRN

Iron City's not that bad. And your favorite drinking establishment charges $5 for a Yuengling? I hope that's per 6-pack...I'm not saying it's not delicious, but it's damn cheap.

[Nicodemus]

I don't mind PBR much and IMO it is the best of the bottom dollar beers. I used to drink it pretty frequently because getting broke college kids drunk costs money. My taste for it has faded though.

I am not a beer snob as much of my friends are. On camping trips and BBQ's they are busting out the latest fad in trendy beers usually from a small brewery that they just discovered and they all have something to say when I pull out a Miller Light or if I am feeling spendy a Corona.

Jokes on them, I save a lot of money on beer because I actually have a taste for the cheep stuff.

Though I do love some Guiness and New castle....I typically prefer light beers. They are a bit more refreshing in the Phoenix heat.

Erin's grandpa up in montana drank Raineer pretty much exclusively for many years.

[HTRN]

Iron City's not that bad. And your favorite drinking establishment charges $5 for a Yuengling? I hope that's per 6-pack...I'm not saying it's not delicious, but it's damn cheap.

Iron City has changed hands 3 times since 1986. I don't know what it's like now, but at least then, it was typical regional American Adjunct lager(which generally is pretty crappy), but held on(if just barely) due to regional attachment, and PA's odd alcohol laws.

As for the 5 dollar Yuenling, that is a bit high - but then, I don't go there to drink beer where I can drive to the brewery - Not when I can buy Optimator by the liter glass(It used to be 8 bucks, a fantastic deal when Bud in a can was 4 bucks at most bars, but they've sinced wised up and have been raising the price constantly).

Bars here tend to be expensive - Rent isn't cheap for commercial space, and the hassle of operating a business that slings booze in NYC is fairly high. Considering that the bar isn't the typical sh*thole "neighborhood bar" that's filled with drunks, that populates the outer boroughs, or a trendy club that charges a cover to get in the door, whether there's live music or not...


HTRN

[Dedicated_Dad]

A friend had finally made it big -- well, big for the son of a mexican janitor, anyway...

He knew his Dad liked wine, and decides to gift ol' Pops a bottle of "good stuff" -- at the time (late '80s) he dropped $200 or so for the bottle.

I was there when he gave it to Dad.

Dad looked it over, grabbed the bottle by the neck and proceeded to shake/smack the bottom into his other palm a few times (WHACKWHACKWHACK) then trying to spin off the leading before asking "So... is this good shiat?"

Poor guy... He realized Dad would have been happier with a case of Mogen-David or maybe Manischewitz...

As to bar stories, I have a bazillion of them, from both sides of the bar...

I'd been drinking on a fake ID since ~15 or so. On my 21st birthday I was ~3000 miles from home, in a place where I knew nobody except the uncle who'd offered me a place to escape to.

For the first time in my life I'm about to have a LEGAL drink in a bar -- which was the only thing that kept me from curling up in bed...

This was ~2 years after the FIRST time I mangled my leg, and the nerve-damage would occasionally result in me taking a step and the leg saying "You go 'head -- I'm gonna sit this one out..."

I show my REAL ID, get 2-3 steps inside the bar and fall on my face. The bouncers picked me up and "helped" me back to the street, where I landed in pretty much the same position from which they'd picked me up...

Well.... THIS sucks!

So... down the street a ways to another bar. This time I make it to the bar and order a beer, then another. It was early, but there was still a pretty good bunch, including one table with 4 attractive women. One of them was "chair-dancing" furiously, and made eye-contact a few times, so I gathered my courage and asked her to dance.

She looked me over like something moderately distasteful that she was being pressured to buy - head to toe and back as only a truly biatchy woman can - then wrinkled up her nose, shook her head and said "Naaaaah."

Trying to salvagee SOME dignity, I tried a line that had worked often in the past: "Look -- I didn't ask you to go home with me, or have my baby or something -- I just asked you to DANCE! You're gonna wear out that chair if you don't get out on the floor pretty soon!"

She looks me over again -- the same biatchy disdain -- then says...

"Well... If you'll buy me a drink first, THEN I'll dance with you..."

NOW I was pissed.

This chick wasn't ugly, but she sure wasn't "all that" - and I didn't deserve such abuse - so I decided "good for the goose/good for the gander."

Based on her "I'll dance if you buy me a $5 drink" open to the negotiations, I looked her over with the same sort of scrutiny she'd applied to me, and...

OOOoooH! Ohh-KAAY! **NOOOooW** I understand!!

OK -- What the heck!" I pulled out my wallet, looked it over, peeled off a $20, and said

"Look -- my cash is a little short, so why don't we save each other some time, here.

Let's skip the dance -- I'll slip you this Twenty, you can crawl under the table and suck my c**k"

Obviously, she didn't appreciate my candor - she slapped me so hard the band quit playing...

At which point I looked her over again, grinned, and said

Aw, hell -- I'm sorry!

Twenty-FIVE??!!

So... I got "helped" to the exit of my SECOND bar in a half-hour or so...

I stopped outside, leaned on a little ledge that was there, and lit up a cigarette, looking up just in time to see one of the other girls from the aforementioned table exit the bar -- looking up and down the street.

When she saw me, she grinned and skipped over -- still smiling and shaking her head...

I gotta tell you - that was the funniest G*d-d2mned thing I've ever seen! She's SUCH a biatch, she TOTALLY deserved that!

Not only was this girl *MUCH* better looking than the amateur whore, she was actually NICE - and had a GREAT sense of humor!

I allowed how I was normally a gentleman, but... This being my birthday and all, and me so far from home, don't know anybody... See, all I wanted to do was dance a little bit before going home -- figuring the day would be a whole lot less depressing that way... When she acted all snotty - as if dancing with me was only acceptable if she got PAID for it, I lost my temper, and...

She was still grinning, repeated her appreciation for the biatch-smackdown, and asked me first where I was going next, and then if I'd mind if she came along...

Wrapping up a long story, my birthday turned out to be a VERY nice weekend. We were a bit of an "item" for a while -- she took me around, introduced me to people, to parties -- in general helped me establish a "social life." Neither of us was really looking for a relationship, so it sorta evolved into a "friends with benefits" situation and eventually just plain "friends" as we eventually ended up in relationships with other people. She was truly one of the best things to ever happen to me.

I still think of her on occasion, consider trying to make contact again (JUST to catch up!) but then decide I'm better off not doing anything that - in spite of my 100% pure motives - might give Wifey some problem if she knew. Couldn't do it behind her back, and damn sure couldn't TELL her, so...

It's hard as heck to wrap my mind around the fact that this was more than half my life ago....

DD

[workinwifdakids]

"Look -- my cash is a little short, so why don't we save each other some time, here.

Let's skip the dance -- I'll slip you this Twenty, you can crawl under the table and suck my c**k"

Dude, if balls were lakes, you'd be Minnesota. I LOVE YOU!

[308Mike]

"Look -- my cash is a little short, so why don't we save each other some time, here.

Let's skip the dance -- I'll slip you this Twenty, you can crawl under the table and suck my c**k"

Dude, if balls were lakes, you'd be Minnesota. I LOVE YOU!

There's a reason we call alcohol "Superman Juice".

And DD, having a friendship with an ex isn't necessarily a threat to your current woman, as long as she understands you're NOT interested in replacing her with your ex, everything's STRICTLY platonic, and your wife doesn't feel threatened in ANY WAY.

Since I get along so well with my ex (we get along better now than when we were married), and my wife KNOWS there's no threat there to be worried about, she's actually asked me if I wanted to have her at my 50th birthday party. I said "NO", mostly because my mom and my ex DO NOT get along, AT ALL. But we've both moved on in our lives so far that we're not the same people we were when we were married and my wife knows and understands that I am TOTALLY committed to HER and nobody else - so she doesn't feel any more threatened by her than any other female on this planet (perhaps even less so since I have intimate knowledge of her and have no desire to refresh my knowledge). It's NOT that she isn't a good person (she is a VERY good person) or even that when dressed up, she can be quite attractive, but having gone down that road, I have NO DESIRE to repeat it.

And she knows it, especially 'cause I'm STILL MADLY IN LOVE with my wife (I still buy her cards, flowers, open doors for her, say please and thank you, wash her hair in the shower, rub her feet, etc., etc. - all the stuff you do when you're in love with someone, and not only just love them) - and I know you understand (I'm putting all this text out there for the youngsters who might not understand that it IS possible to still be in love with someone YEARS later).

Having a friendship with your ex shouldn't be any different than a friendship with any other woman, except you both share a portion of common history. It doesn't NEED to be any more complicated than that.

Except that I don't know and understand your wife. - which makes ALL the difference in the world.

[HTRN]

There's a reason we call alcohol "Superman Juice".

Better known as "Liquid Courage"


HTRN

[Greg]

"Look -- my cash is a little short, so why don't we save each other some time, here.

Let's skip the dance -- I'll slip you this Twenty, you can crawl under the table and suck my c**k"

Dude, if balls were lakes, you'd be Minnesota. I LOVE YOU!

...and covered in thousands of little balls? GROSS.

[308Mike]

"Look -- my cash is a little short, so why don't we save each other some time, here.

Let's skip the dance -- I'll slip you this Twenty, you can crawl under the table and suck my c**k"

Dude, if balls were lakes, you'd be Minnesota. I LOVE YOU!

...and covered in thousands of little balls? GROSS.

GROSS??? Sure, but then there's all those little roller-balls to slap some plywood down on top of and make like a HUGE skateboard (while wearing all necessary protective equipment - of course), and thinking about all those SPLINTERS from all that PLYWOOD sticking into all those little balls.....

Now just think about the amount of energy required to call all those puppies HOME to get all their damn splinters out.........

[Dedicated_Dad]

There's a reason we call alcohol "Superman Juice".

Better known as "Liquid Courage"

HTRN

Actually, I'd only had one allegedly "beer" - nowhere NEAR enough to get me to that point... Further, by the time I get to "liquid courage" I'm usually not capable of such quick-thinking...

Her "looking me over" as she did caused me to think "WTF - she's not buying a gigolo, here..." then her "buy me a drink first" comment made the instant connection to "heck, if she charges 5 bucks for a dance, I wonder what she charges for a 'Lewinsky?" The rest was just pure divine inspiration, I think... I've had only a VERY few such perfect moments - this one still makes me grin after 2+ decades...

FTR, for those who may not know me so well, I'm still MUCH too much of a Gentleman to normally talk or act this way, but this biatch **REEeeeaaaally** had it coming. I got to know her a bit more as time passed, and though we remained mortal enemies (her choice) she could feign politeness when in company of mutual friends...

Trust me - she deserved this and more, and it DEFINITELY took her down a peg or two as word got around. Sadly, she really needed a few more pegs knocked out, but such women eventually get theirs... I figure she's GOT to be a fat, bitter, lonely old bat at this point -- cosmic justice at its FINEST!!

MIKE: It would be different if she lived close, or there was some other reason, but she's very far away (AFAIK) and there's just no reason to contact her that wouldn't seem to fail the smell-test. Wifey's not especially jealous or possessive - she tolerated my bar-band gigs for years and accepted much that would have driven most women NUTS. Still, if roles were reversed and she went looking for some guy with whom she'd had a "relationship" - based pretty much solely on sex - in college, I'm pretty sure I'd get just a bit bugged-out too...

There's just no good reason to take the risk when there's no REAL benefit beyond curiosity...

DD