Erm... how does a 30 yr old learn to ask out decent women

[Aglifter]

I realized I've never asked a woman out... Things are definitely finished bet. Formerly Darling and I, and, aside from her, I was usually either drunk enough, or still strong-and-young enough, that women just kinda ended up being around.

[308Mike]

Much is going to depend on where you like to either hang out or what activities you enjoy. It's always best to find someone who shares common interests (NOT necessarily all of them - you NEED some time away).

What kind of activities do you enjoy away from work? I'm not talking about ONLY those you currently enjoy, but what about those you enjoy but for one reason or another haven't been involved in. Do you like to camp, travel, go hiking, skiing (snow and/or water), go boating, enjoy snuggling by a warm fire on a cold night, these are the kinds of things you need to be thinking about - NOT how many times they've been out with the entire football team and left them limping, or the basketball team not being able to make jump shots due to friction burns.

Honestly, you need to be paying attention while doing the activities you enjoy and if any of the other participants are single women (and not ALL divorced women are damaged goods - depending on the people making the inquiries and their interests, I would have NO problem recommending either of my ex-wives to people I trust - it all depends on what they're looking for). Both of my ex's are actually good people, they just weren't the right women for the rest of MY life.

If you tend to be introverted (at least while I was married to her and some time thereafter), my FIRST ex would be good for you (CAUTION - I have NO IDEA what she looks like now since I haven't seen her in over a decade and once many people hit 40+ they tend to physically change quite a lot), but she USED to be quite thin - and perhaps she still is, I really don't know. But she had a good heart and you couldn't really tell what was going on behind her eyes because she was so introverted.

Wife #2 is fairly outgoing, EXTREMELY intelligent (IQ = 160+), likes to hike, makes friends easily, but doesn't suffer fools AT ALL, and has a good heart and usually means well (but WE should have never been married - she's MUCH better as a friend). She is very attractive but has a couple of medical issues she's dealing with that interfere with her ability to stay in shape (I've been with her to some of her Dr appointments [which my wife knows about and supports], and these clowns poke and prod, make all kinds of hmmmmmmmmmm noises, then say: "I'm not sure - we need to run some more tests and perhaps some little surgeries"), who keep changing their minds about what's wrong even though there's green goo and puss oozing from one of her incision sites. The ER tells her to see her Dr., the doctor's office tells her to go to the ER.

Other than that, she love animals, particularly dogs (she has a couple of Boxers), owns her own home (used to be mine and her's), and has a daughter she adopted from the State who's developmentally disabled and under the care of the State, whom she visits when she can (and not at home).

She has a real good heart, and great intentions, but she and I weren't meant to get along in the same house. It's actually really simple. Fir the right person, she'd make a REALLY GREAT wife - just not for me.

[Precision]

define "decent"

I found my current (and hopefully last) on an internet dating site.

We've had our ups and downs. Hell, she even married someone else in between. But through it all, I was the constant in her life. When cancer came for her and the [strike]man[/strike] mistake she married threw her out two weeks after her lumpectomy, LIFE hit a wall for her.

After a few weeks she called and asked me to resume being a father figure for her son, "hate me if you like, and I know I deserve it. But, please help my son to deal with this drama and have a sane place in his life".

One thing led to another and she realized I am her other half ...

Sure it was difficult and such, but I am much better for having her in my life and those trials have made the rest of them in normal life a bit easier to work through.

I don't suggest my path, but it worked for us.

[Baja boy]

It really doesn't matter what age --the women are always around if you are "decent looking" and well spoken. Many just make themselves "available" and you have to learn their signals--they vary from one to the next !
Being in business and exposed to many , they were just there , many times for the picking .

Good luck, for they are after all--"females" !!

[rightisright]

I can speak with some authority on internet dating. I've been doing it for years! As someone who works in the construction field, I meet very, very few women at work.

I use the shotgun approach. I email a lot of women and get a few replies. A few emails lead to a phone call or two. If there is a connection, a date follows. More often than not, I know for sure after the first date whether I want to spend time pursuing the relationship. I've had a few longer relationships (over a year), but nothing permanent just yet. After one divorce, I am in no hurry to get married again if at all.

I met my best friend w. benefits online. We love each other very much but are not "in love". We have an understanding that if someone else comes along for either of us, then fate takes it's course. It's a strange relationship. But my life has been greatly enriched by getting to know her and her kids. I have no regrets.

With 'net dating, you have to approach it with an open attitude. For me, the worst that can happen on a date is I get a crappy dinner! A few weeks ago I went out with a woman who I had no in-person chemistry with.. but I had an awesome jambalaya! So the evening was a win!

[Jered]

Deny them your essence!

[MarkD]

I met my wife thru a free personals site in AOL back in the day. It's worked out well!

I think the important thing, should you try such an approach (personals) is to figure out two things beforehand: 1) who you are and 2) what you're looking for. Include both in your ad, and don't be afraid to reject someone who doesn't meet the standards you've set. For instance, if religion is important to you say so, and if someone responds who doesn't meet that standard say a polite "thanks but no thanks."

Asking a woman out in person was traumatic for me until I realized that, if she turns me down, it's not personal. It CAN'T be personal, she doesn't know me well enough to dislike me for anything but superficial reasons. Next!

[Aaron]

Just to clarify, are you looking for ways to meet and ask out, or just the approach itself?

[Rusty Ray]

If you are asking about where/how to meet women, well I have not been backwards in coming forwards if you get my drift. I have rarely, if ever, walked into a bar/party and picked a chick, gone for her and got her. Normally I have some connection to them through work, friends or hobbies etc etc. I have found that to be the least nerve-wracking way of getting to know a lady.

But if you are asking how to ask out someone you have in mind already....Well mate, there is no hard n fast rules. I would say to you though that if you can't tell her what you have told us - along with admitting that you are a bit nervous or inexperienced - without it putting her off, well then you may be after the wrong women.

Just be you because that's who you want her to be with. So just come out and ask. Notghing ventured, nothing gained.

Be of luck brother. Rusty

[Erik]

Someone once said that the woman has allready decided before you even start asking, all you can do is mess it up. From my limited experience I'd say that sounds like a pretty good assessment. Just be yourself and ask without being a total jerk about it, and you probably wont mess it up. Those that allready decided to say no wasn't going to change their mind anyway.