The Gun Counter

Names have been changed to protect the guilty, the less guilty and the clueless. Some dialogue has been abbreviated to its barest meaning to protect said guilty, less guilty and clueless types as well.

Me: Disclosure section, this is Soup.

Caller: I'm Area Man from Stupid Party, Downstate Division. In my neck of the woods, I'm kind of a big deal! Why haven't you closed those bastards in the People's Party of Stupid in my neck of the woods down? KILL THEM! KILL THEM ALL!

Me: So, you're having a problem with their reports? Let me check the server. Ah! Did you notice this report?

Caller: It's a week late! Gouge their eyes out and burn their children alive! I WANT TO BATHE IN THEIR STILL-HOT BLOOD!

Me: Yes, I do see where they filed a report incorrectly.

Caller: THEY HAVE SINNED! SINNED AGAINST AMERICA! Bring their corpses to me so my organization may FEAST UPON THE CARRION!

Me: We contacted them and told them to send the correct report. Their other report was late.

Caller: UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN! FLAY THEIR WOMEN!

Me: Yes, a penalty might be assessed. It's up to the agency heads.

Caller: NO! I NAME THEE LAWGIVER! JUDGE THEM NOW! JUDGE THEM NOW SO I MAY SING A WAR-DIRGE! JUDGE THEM SO I AM BLAMELESS WHEN I TAUNT THEIR DYING WIDOWS AND ORPHANS!

Me: Well, to get to that point, you'll need to gather the information and file a complaint.

Caller: I HAVE THEIR SCENT AND THEIR SPOOR! THEY WILL BE HUNTED DOWN AND CULLED!

Me: As it is, they complied with our requests, so any penalties we may assess will be less due to improper filing and more due to late filing.

Caller: THIS IS AN INJUSTICE WHICH THE GODS BEG BE MENDED! CLEANSE THEM! EXPUNGE THEM! RENEW! RENEW!!!

Me: No, you have to fill out the complaint. And have the evidence to back the complaint up. And make sure a copy gets served to them.

Caller: Well screw you if you're not going to be my personal goon squad! *hangs up*

Me: That's the fifth "act like TV cops even though no one in the agency is a sworn LEO" call today.

I cannot wait until after Tuesday. Those stupid "gotcha" calls will drop tenfold.

would it be worth the punishment if you just pressed the "delete all" button by accident?

Yeah, I'd love one for those political calls we're getting at home, but even better would be a way to argue with the people on the radio ads and TV and point out their lies to those who don't have enough brain power to think for themselves (but vote anyway).

The guy wants to make a literal criminal case out of a late filing, so I told him the procedures for filing a complaint. He got pissy at me because I would neither render drumhead justice nor would I go outside the scope of my job and call to have the entire committee staff arrested for a business-class offense (i.e., penalties are levied against the organization, not individuals, it's supposed to be equivalent to a misdemeanor, but is treated with even less regard than a parking ticket). It's like I tell people all the time. I'm not a cop, I'm not a judge, and I'm not a lawyer. You do not want me to be either of those three, either, because whatever you think you'll get away with here will come back to be used against you. The bite it takes from your ass will be much larger than whatever was inflicted on the other guy. In other words, be happy that I help them find their mistakes and fix them so we have as transparent a reporting process as possible.

And no, it wouldn't be worth deleting the offender's committee. Then I'd have to get another job, and I really don't want that. What skill sets I do have in dealing with avionics are so out of date and so out of practice I couldn't even leverage it towards any A&P licenses. We just seem to get a lot of calls demanding things that we cannot do around elections.

SoupOrMan wrote:We just seem to get a lot of calls demanding things that we cannot do around elections.

Are there any distinct patterns or tendencies by the callers?

Oh, there are. I'll have to put together the list tonight.