The Gun Counter

Received via email:

But I thought the ocean went all the way around the world!" -- A young woman, in response to an attempt to explain why Arizona doesn't have any beaches.

"That green stuff down there -- that looks like the ground!" -- A passenger on an airplane.

"No, just a driver's license." -- Woman, when asked if she had a photo ID.

"What? I walked in here with all my parts, and I'm going to walk out of here with all of them, too." -- Man, when asked if he wanted an organ donor sticker on his driver's license.

"Isn't it funny how Thanksgiving lands on a Thursday every year?" -- Woman, overheard in a diner.

"Monogamy is a type of wood, you idiot!" -- Man, upon receiving an answer when he asked what word described someone remaining with one person in marriage.

"I bet NATO will be glad to see the end of the Warsaw Concerto." -- A woman, commenting on the fall of the Berlin Wall and the likelihood that the Soviet Union would lose its satellite countries.

"It works fine. It just doesn't heat." -- Customer, describing a broken microwave to an employee of a repair shop. Also said to this employee, this time about a broken TV, "It works great. It just won't come on."

"Honey, you tell your husband like I told mine, if you kill it, you clean it!" -- Advice one friend gave to another, who said she had spent the weekend cleaning grout.

"Raw toast? Eww." -- A high school student, looking dubiously at her sandwich.

"But it's only the bottom half that needs to be fixed." -- A teenager, to her father, after being told a flat tire would need to be replaced.

Hey, this morning I was getting my eyes checked. I hadn't had time to get any coffee before going to the optometrist. He asked me if I could read a line, I couldn't remember what the letters were called, and started describing them by how they looked, for example, squiggly with a bar was a G.
I assure you, though, I am fully literate once I get some coffee. Until the caffeine gets into my brain, however, no promises. People who have woken me, in fact, tell me that in many cases my response to being woken up was to start yelling at them in English, Russian, German, and/or Caveman.

esa5444 wrote:Hey, this morning I was getting my eyes checked. I hadn't had time to get any coffee before going to the optometrist. He asked me if I could read a line, I couldn't remember what the letters were called, and started describing them by how they looked, for example, squiggly with a bar was a G.
I assure you, though, I am fully literate once I get some coffee. Until the caffeine gets into my brain, however, no promises. People who have woken me, in fact, tell me that in many cases my response to being woken up was to start yelling at them in English, Russian, German, and/or Caveman.

after working as a tech support rep for a computer company for several years, i had to move back into my parents house... this was when i was a younger lad... anyways, mom comes in one day to wake me up and i reply "and what exactly is the error message on your screen?"

she was laughing too hard to realize why she was trying to wake me up

"It works fine. It just doesn't heat." -- Customer, describing a broken microwave to an employee of a repair shop. Also said to this employee, this time about a broken TV, "It works great. It just won't come on."

You'd be amazed how often you hear this sort of thing in tech support.

Probably only funny if you read prints for a living...

We had a problem with a backpanel supplier in Missouri (remember that location it's the key to this problem)who countersunk some tooling holes on the wrong side of the board. We found the source of the problem pretty quick when working through the corrective action. It was easy to trace it back to an error in their tooling/work instructions.

The CAM planner/operator had written it up to be countersunk on Side A (NS=near side) instead of Side B (FS= far side) as was specified on the fab drawing. When we got to asking the planner who'd the done work he insisted he'd done what our print spec'd.

"How can that be?" we asked. "Right there is says to countersink "Far Side".

"Oh..." said he. "I thought "FS" mean't Front Side."

<duh-ohh> Welcome to the South where ANSI 14.5 takes on a whole new flav'ah.

Sorta makes you wonder what he thought "NS" designated. Maybe "Nother side?"

Jericho941 wrote:

"It works fine. It just doesn't heat." -- Customer, describing a broken microwave to an employee of a repair shop. Also said to this employee, this time about a broken TV, "It works great. It just won't come on."

You'd be amazed how often you hear this sort of thing in tech support.

The busy and overly complicated digital panels on the nukers and setup menus on televisions are probably a big contributor to those quotes. I could see myself saying something like that if I could manipulate the panel and/or onscreen menu, but not get the device to produce the intended result.

Since I do work with computers for a living, please, product designers, don't make your displays and setups confusing - it makes life outside of work for those of us who can cope with technology a little tough sometimes.

Frankingun wrote:The busy and overly complicated digital panels on the nukers and setup menus on televisions are probably a big contributor to those quotes. I could see myself saying something like that if I could manipulate the panel and/or onscreen menu, but not get the device to produce the intended result.

we call those people the twelve o'clock flashers.... every clock in their house is flashing 12:00

http://danlockton.co.uk/research/images ... t_1200.gif

Meh. That's as bad as the brain-fade I had a few weeks back at a drive-thru.

"Gimme a Number 1 combo. To go."