The Gun Counter

2. The Death of the Loch Ness Monster

In February, Scotland's Daily Mirror reported that 85-year-old American Robert Rines would be giving up his quest for Scotland's most famous underwater denizen.

A World War II veteran, Rines has spent 37 years hunting for Nessie with sonar equipment. In 2008, "despite having hundreds of sonar contacts over the years, the trail has since gone cold and Rines believes that Nessie may be dead, a victim of global warming."

Click here to read the rest.

11. Global warming, or the mention of it, caused mass hallucinations and mass hysteria worldwide. The hysteria will continue until the hot air venting from their insane blathering REALLY causes temperatures to rise, thus proving they were NOT "chicken littles".

The Nessie thing is totally lame.
The nice thing about Global Warming is that you can make up anything and call it true. For example, I can write a story about how global warming has caused our atmosphere to get hotter, thus making it 54.2% more likely (by my scientific study) that a giant Texas sized asteroid will hit us in the next 10 years. On a conservative estimate, by using "Global Warming" in the title, 40% of people will believe it.

So, if I was writing about Nessie vis-a-vis Global Warming, I think it would involve a Scotsman who was running out of food and decided to make seafood haggis.

I'd imagine if Nessie existed she'd have nommed his ass for stalking her all these years.