The Gun Counter

Rap Battle

it's an ad for a coffee company, too.

Yiiiiiiiiiikes.

Those guys are great. This one is short, but still one of my favorites from their YouTube channel. "Bitch, I Operate" is pretty funny too.

To elaborate, this was a pretty bad video. The important thing in a "rap battle" is the rap, which was seriously weak on the part of the Gun Owner side. Remember, the point of a rap battle is to have the strongest raps. You don't have to be correct, you just need the best, most pointed rhymes. The Liberal beat the Gun Owner hand over fist in this regard.

Speaking of, whoever did the subtitles kept putting "rhythms" where the actors said "rhymes" for some reason.

The TL;DR version to follow is that these guys had all the time in the world to craft this "battle" to play the way they want: A gun owner utterly destroys a feckless liberal. They fucked up, though. The Gun Owner's weak-ass rhymes assume that the audience is going to be on his side from the beginning so he doesn't even have to try. So, in the process, Matt Best set up a strawman that proceeded to stomp a mudhole in his ass. That's just embarrassing.

You hate masculinity, always trying to be mushy
You went to the gynecologist with your girl
and they thought you were the pussy

Starting off with a near rhyme (mushy/pussy) is really not a strong lead-in, but then:

Greatest nation, ain't no way that you can trump me
My rhymes are presidential so I'll grab you by the pussy

I actually facepalmed at this point. Given Trump's statements about guns before he supposedly found Conservative Jesus, going there is a bad move, and going back to the pussy for the very next rhyme makes this is so weak that the entire rap up 'til this point could've literally been DURR YAY TRUMP PUSSY PUSSY. That'd be forgivable if it was a freestyle, but they had time to sit down, plan and rehearse this. There's no excuse.

You're so sensitive I'm surprised you even have fun
You look at an airsoft toy and yell "ghost gun"

This is so nonsensical, it's just throwing in a buzzword for the audience to go "oh liberals and their ghost guns lololol." It has nothing to do with anything.

Emotional gun control is just smoke and mirrors
But cry away anyway so I can lube my gun with your tears

It's 2017 and we're still making "your tears" jokes?

You think a whistle can save your life? You're in denial
I'll be responsible for my own safety in the meanwhile

FINALLY, a decent, on-point rhyme! It only took you four tries.

With your logic well it's hard to be fair
So show me where I offended you on the teddy bear

It kinda works but it's awkwardly put together. Given the poor showing so far, it required a stronger conclusion. And then we get The Liberal.

Ignorance is bliss but my rhymes are ready to brawl
You drive a truck and your dick is small

I hate to say it but this is a much stronger start than the Gun Owner's.

Your gun laws relate to like 1776
Times have changed and violence shouldn't exist

A little weak but still on point.

You just spout that Trump's making America great quote
Let's all be honest, Hillary won the popular vote

This limp-wristed pansy is destroying the Gun Owner so far. Remember, quality of the rap comes before substance of the argument here. And, well, Gun Owner is just bad.

Your love for weapons is worse than a nuclear race
Your basement has more guns than a military base

If you're one of us, this is a complement. If you're one of them, this is a zinger. Neutral political impact but a fairly strong rhyme.

You can call me offended but I know where I've been
We can all stand together under my safety pin

This is like they wanted to take a stab at the whole Safety Pin thing, swung, and missed because this doesn't have much to do with anything in context.

You're a racist, a bigot, and you think we're not equal
If someone breaks into my house I'll use non-lethal

A bit mixed but still solid.

I'm pro-gun and pro-2A
How does that make me a bigot or anti-gay?
And I'm pretty sure that I was conceived during a three-way

Okay, weird, but works. On the defensive, but it works.

You look at my guns and say they're a disgrace
Tell me how many crimes you stopped with your safe space

This is actually good.

Let me guess you think the government should pay off your loans
while you sit back and yell this is a gun free zone

Aaaaaaaaaand lost it. The serious problem with the Gun Owner's side in this battle is that he can't decide if he's fighting for guns or against the general idea of liberalism itself. He's trying to do many things at once while the liberal only has to bitch about guns and insult him. The Gun Owner is defensive and uncoordinated, The Liberal is focused on guns.

I have never seen someone get beaten up this badly by the strawman they set up before. Matt? Congratulations, you played yourself.

You went to the range but won't admit that you had fun
So sit back son while I cook bacon with my gun

Neutral impact. Part of the problem with these characters being utterly generic rather than specific people (as in Epic Rap Battles of History) is that this rhyme only leaves us with "okay... I guess?"

You drink light beer like an unrefined has been
My beer is never on tap, micro-brewed in Portland

Honestly, the weakest rhyme from The Liberal so far.

You have assault rifles and I'm throwing a fit
It's disgusting you can have 30 rounds in a magazine clip

Oh hey that's a great set-up for the Gun Owner, and absolutely nothing comes of it.

You run around saying I wish a motherfucker would
ISIS isn't bad they're like misunderstood

Honestly, that first line is something that, well, those of us in the gun community have probably already observed. It's a strong accusation that deserves to be addressed, but it won't. Not even the bit about ISIS will, even though this is a bad caricature since a lot of liberals these days try to make fun of gun owners by saying "what, you think ISIS is going to attack Bismarck, North Dakota?"

I have a bachelors in liberal arts but I shouldn't brag
Now watch me as I burn this American flag

Oookay. As an aside, economics is generally considered liberal arts.

I'm tolerant, but not that tolerant
C'mere snowflake, time to learn about sacrifice

Soooooooo The Liberal triggered the Gun Owner, prompting him to lash out with violence against The Liberal's freedom of speech.

This is.... not optimal. I haven't seen someone step on their dick this hard making a rap battle since ERB made Trump vs Hillary

I guess that all matters to someone who can stand listening to rap in the first place. Me, not so much.

The rap is weak. It's not one of Mat's better works. It doesn't even have a bikini snap. However, it's great coffee and he's the evil genius behind Article 15 clothing.

I think "Bitch I Operate" and "Military Vs. Apocalypse" are my favorites. Mrs. NPR is kind of a fitness chick and she got a laugh out of "How to be a Crossfitter".

Jericho941 wrote:This is.... not optimal. I haven't seen someone step on their dick this hard making a rap battle since ERB made Trump vs Hillary

I assume with ERB you mean that despite obviously being in the tank for Hillary they actually made Trumps "raps" and presentation much better than Hillary's? Hillary just came off as a sort of generically offended feminist while they managed to simultaneously lampoon Trump while showing why people supported him.

Kommander wrote:

Jericho941 wrote:This is.... not optimal. I haven't seen someone step on their dick this hard making a rap battle since ERB made Trump vs Hillary

I assume with ERB you mean that despite obviously being in the tank for Hillary they actually made Trumps "raps" and presentation much better than Hillary's? Hillary just came off as a sort of generically offended feminist while they managed to simultaneously lampoon Trump while showing why people supported him.

Exactly.