New Heaviest Element

[Darrell]

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Evidently this has been making the rounds of the interwebz, I found it at Dave Ramsey's site.

http://www.daveramsey.com/etc/cms/heavi ... 1004.htmlc

[clyde621]

Very appropiate, amazing how long it took for sciencetest to discover the element

[Catbird]

This sounds suspiciously similar to quantum bogodynamics.

quantum bogodynamics: /kwon�tm boh`goh�di:�nam�iks/, n.
A theory that characterizes the universe in terms of bogon sources (such as politicians, used-car salesmen, TV evangelists, and suits in general), bogon sinks (such as taxpayers and computers), and bogosity potential fields. Bogon absorption, of course, causes human beings to behave mindlessly and machines to fail (and may also cause both to emit secondary bogons); however, the precise mechanics of the bogon-computron interaction are not yet understood and remain to be elucidated. Quantum bogodynamics is most often invoked to explain the sharp increase in hardware and software failures in the presence of suits; the latter emit bogons, which the former absorb.

>>>wikipedia entry here<<<

[esa5444]

I call shenanigans. The nucleus needs to have protons. If it has protons, and is as large as this model predicts, it will have electrons. Unfortunately, a fundamental concept of quantum mechanics is known as the Pauli Exclusion Principle. It very clearly establishes a rigorous framework of electron discrimination and injustice. It's not the electron's fault that it isn't in the higher echelons of the levels it could theoretically be in, but this principle also clearly means that a higher level electron can not share with a lower level one. As Glorious Comrade and Supreme Leader Obama and the People's Soviet Democratic Party has clearly pointed out, you can't have a government that just ignores such injustice.
Thus Governmentium is not an element; QED
Note: It may have some similarity to the real world, but the inner workings of the governmentium "thing" are clearly unrelated to the ways of the natural world.

[SoupOrMan]

It won't need any protons in it because the electrons are always suppressed. That is the case unless there's an Obamaton or two somewhere in the middle of the Governmentium. Obamaton-laced Governmentium allows people's cars to be powered by happy thoughts and pixie farts, or at least solar power. Obamaton-laced Governmentium is also clean and articulate, will require you to work, and you'll never have to worry about making your house payment ever again. Clearly, it is a superior particle now that the remaining subparticles called neocons have been expelled from Governmentium.

However, Obamaton-laced Governmentium has been found in numerous flavors of Kool-Aid in the past few years. This should not be drunk at all, as it increases the number of Free Radicals (traces of Dohrnayersium, an element thought to have been eliminated in the 60s) have been found in present in the body. We're sure that the warnings will be revised to "Drink lots of Governmentium Kool-Aid" once the Political Scientists, all of whom are disciples of the Greek philanderer Bureaucrates, have applied the Bureaucratic Method in triplicate and each with proper test stamps and judged it to be okey-dokey. Then there will be consensus and thus Truth.

At which point we raid the Political Scientists' Bureaucratic Particle Decelerator and destroy it with fire. Possibly even using monkeys that are on fire.