The Gun Counter

PM Gordon Brown is visiting a hospital in Scotland. At the end of his visit, he's shown a ward with a group of patients with no visible injuries. He goes to talk with the patient he sees, when the man proclaims,

"Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain e' the puddin' race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o' a grace
as lang's my arm."

Brown is taken aback, but smiles and nods and moves on to the next man. The man immediately launches into,

"Some hae meat, and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
And sae the Lord be thankit."

Now visibly shaken, Brown backs into yet another patient who reacts to Brown's stammered apology with,

"Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rours beastie,
O what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
wi' bickering brattle.
I wad be laith to run and chase thee,
wi' murdering prattle!"

Brown beats a hasty retreat to where the doctor is standing, and says, "Well, I see you've left the psychiatric ward for the last."

"Nay.", says the Scottish doctor. "This is the serious Burns unit."

The middle verse is the Selkirk Grace

My grandmother used to use it fairly often, from what my mother tells me.


HTRN

There has to be some form of appropriate retaliation... Burns was bad enough w.o. being part of a pun...

Personally, I prefer Ode to a Louse.

O wad sum pow'rful gif ta gie us
Ta see oursels as others see us.

I am groaning so loud I am waking up the girlfriend.

I must have missed this the first time around, but

"He who would pun, would pick a pocket."

I shall track thee down and smite thee with.... a haggis.

Old Grafton wrote:I shall track thee down and smite thee with.... a haggis.

Aha, but you have to catch one first. Wily little beasties, those are, and hard to spot in the wild. I suggest something in .220 Swift, a good steady rest, and a big riflescope.

CombatController wrote:I am groaning so loud I am waking up the girlfriend.

tell her to go back to sleep and stop bothering your wife