Answered prayers

[Vonz90]

The pastor asked if any one in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced.

She continued, "Jim was unable to hold me or the children and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation. They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation squirmed
uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim.

And the wife continued, "Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctor's say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with relief.

Thunderstruck by the wife's account, the pastor slowly rose and hesitantly asked if any one else had anything to say.

A man rose and timidly walked to the podium.

He announced, "Hi, I'm Jim and I want to tell my wife, ONCE AGAIN, the word is STERNUM."

[Bob K]

That was great!!

And reminds me of an old story from my yout':

The young, much loved Rabbi of a small reform congregation announces at Friday night service, "When my contract is up, we're moving on ... I've been offered a position with a much larger congregation, and with a young family, I must accept."

A hush falls over the congregation.

Finally, Mr. Bernstein, a real estate developer stands and says, "Rabbi, I will provide you, your lovely wife, and your two beautiful children, a fully furnished four bedroom, three bath house, at no charge. We want you to stay."

There is applause and nods of approval.

Then Mr. Steinberg, an auto dealer, stands and announces, "Rabbi, I'll provide a suitable Cadillac sedan for you, and proper SUV/Crossover for the wife and children. All at no charge. We want you to stay." Again, applause, and nods of approval.

Finally Mrs. Goldfarb, an octogenarian, stands and announces, "And I will offer the good Rabbi sex!!"

A hush falls on the congregation.

"Mrs. Goldfarb," asks the dumbstruck Rabbi, "How could you say such a thing?"

She answers, "Well, I asked my husband, Mr. Goldfarb, what we could do to keep the Rabbi here."

Mr. Goldfarb responded, "F**k the Rabbi!!"