Stuff you know if you have a Mil-surp

[Windy Wilson]

Stuff you know if you have a Schmidt Rubin K-31.
The bore was cleaned with a special grease, leaving it in pristine condition, but the wood was left to be chewed on by beavers.
You can hit the lock on the barn door at 300 m.
The mags are made of cardboard.
The safety draws attention at the range because it looks like a giant hypodermic syringe sticking out of the back of the receiver.
Your rifle came with a 50 year old leather sling and a brass muzzle cover.
Your bayonet costs more than the rifle.
You can put six rounds in the X-ring at 300 yards using surplus Swiss ammunition.
When out of ammunition your rifle makes a very good club.
You wonder if that is really how the stock got so beat-up.
You wonder at people concerned about the recoil.
You will argue with anyone who says that the straight-pull design is too delicate for actual combat.
Service life: 55 years.
You paid $100 for the rifle, have another on the way, and are planning to buy 3 more so you can get them for $89.95 each.
You are seriously considering buying iron sights for it that cost three times what you paid for the rifle.
You buy the ammunition by the case and save the Berdan-primed brass for the day when the surplus ammunition runs out and you’ll have to learn to reload it.
You know the name, rank and serial number of the soldier your rifle was issued to and are envious of other K-31 owners who have received answers to letters to the former soldiers. You consider it a badge of honor that this accurate rifle has not actually ever been used to kill anyone.
You follow the discussion on the various Swiss Rifle web sites about what the original finish really was.
After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for Fondue and Swiss Chocolate.
You have a picture of General Guisan on your computer, and never saw any pictures of Colonel Schmidt or Colonel Rubin.
Your wife tolerates you buying the Swiss helmet, camo uniform, belt, pouches and other accessories over the internet because she doesn’t know you have five of these rifles already. Late at night you resist the urge to tell your wife (for the tenth time) how well the Swiss shoot, and the joke that ends with "we shoot twice and go home."


Stuff you know if you have an M1 Garand.
You’re searching the web for the authentic WW2 cleaning fluid that is carcinogenic.
You have a full gross of the little grease pots that fit in the stock.
You are able to hit the barn from two farms over.
Mags are for klutzes!
Your safety is both subtle and easy to use.
Your sling cost more than the Mosin-Nagant.
Your sight is the only peep sight you’ve ever seen on a battle rifle.
Your bayonet doubles as a fighting knife.
You can put a whole clip into a man-sized target at 200 yards.
Service life: 30 years.
When out of ammo your rifle is an excellent club.
Recoil? The .30-06 is a manly cartridge effective past 500 yards and capable of triumphing over the finest from Nazi Germany, Imperial Japan, and Communist North Korea, and taking any animal in North America. Don’t be wimping out about the recoil. The ‘03 Springfield, now, that had recoil!
Your rifle was used by the free world to turn back the tide of totalitarianism.
You bought your rifle from the Office of the Civilian Marksmanship Program for $600 and are tickled that the government – the GOVERNMENT! sent the rifle to your home.
You buy ammo by the case and debate the advantage of Lake City over Greek or Korean or Federal.
You consider it a badge of honor to know first hand what "Garand Thumb" is. You secretly smile when the guy next to you gets Garand Thumb.
You not so secretly smile when everyone at the range wants to see, hold, and fire your M1. After firing off eight rounds you know in your heart that General George S. Patton’s acknowledgment of the M1 as "the greatest implement of battle ever devised" is still true.
You relax after a long day at the range by watching "Band of Brothers".
After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge to liberate a bunch of effete Europeans – again.
You have the helmet, the cartridge belt, the butt stock cleaning kit, the muzzle guard, and are still learning about the other accessories.
Your rifle’s finish is boiled linseed oil, which served our nation well, until the advent of the "Matty Mattel."
Your wife tolerates your autographed, framed picture of John C. Garand.
Late at night you think of your Garand and feel at one with your Grandfather who carried one from D+10 to Mittersill.

Edit: How's this?

[Windy Wilson]

Here are the three original ones from Head's Bunker:

Stuff you know if you have an AK.
It works though you have never cleaned it. Ever.
You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from inside.
Cheap mags are fun to buy.
Your safety can be heard 300m away.
Your rifle comes with a cheap nylon sling.
Your bayonet makes a good wire cutter.
You can put a .30" hole through 12" of oak, if you can hit it.
When out of ammo, your rifle will nominally pass as a club.
Recoil is manageable, even fun.
Your sight adjustment goes to ‘10’, and you’ve never bothered moving it.
Your rifle can be used by any two-bit nation’s most illiterate conscripts to fight elite forces worldwide.
Your rifle won some revolutions.
You paid $350.
You buy cheap ammo by the case.
You can intimidate your foe with the bayonet mounted.
Service life: 50 years.
Its easier to buy a new rifle when you want to change cartridge sizes.
You can repair your rifle with a big hammer and a swift kick.
You consider it a badge of honor when you get your hand guards to burst into flames.
After a long day at the range you relax by watching "Red Dawn."
After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for a stiff shot of Vodka.
You can accessorize your rifle with a new muzzle brake or a nice stock set.
Your rifle’s finish is varnish and paint.
Your wife tolerates your autographed, framed picture of Mikhail Kalashnikov.
Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to hold your rifle over your head and shout "Wolverines!"

Stuff you know if you have an AR.
You have $9-per-ounce special non-detergent synthetic Teflon-infused oil for cleaning.
You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from 600m.
Cheap mags melt.
You can silently flip off the safety with your finger on the trigger.
Your rifle sling has a 9 point stealth tactical suspension system.
Your bayonet is actually a pretty good steak knife.
You can put 30 rounds through a single hole in a paper target at 100m.
When out of ammo, your rifle makes a great wiffle bat.
What’s recoil?
Your sight adjustment is incremented in fractions of minute of angle.
Your rifle is used by elite forces worldwide to fight two-bit nations’ most illiterate conscripts. Your rifle won the cold war.
You paid $900.
You lovingly reload precision crafted rounds one by one.
Your foes laugh when you mount your bayonet.
Service life: 40 years.
You can change cartridge sizes with the push of a couple of pins and a new upper.
You can repair your rifle by taking it to a certified gunsmith, it’s under warranty!
You consider it a badge of honor when you shoot a sub-MOA 5 shot group.
After a long day at the range you relax by watching "Blackhawk Down."
After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for hotdogs and Apple Pie.
Your rifle’s accessories are eight times more valuable than your rifle.
Your rifle’s finish is Teflon and high tech polymers.
Your wife tolerates your autographed, framed picture of Eugene Stoner.
Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to clear your house, slicing the pie from room to room.

Stuff you know if you have a Mosin Nagant.
It was last cleaned in Berlin in 1945.
You can hit the farm from two counties over.
What’s a mag?
What’s a safety?
Your rifle has dog collars.
Your bayonet is longer than your leg.
You can knock down everyone else’s target just from the shock wave of your bullet going downrange.
When out of ammo, your rifle makes a supreme war club, pike, boat oar, tent pole, or firewood.
Recoil is often used to relocate shoulders thrown out by the previous shot.
Your sight adjustment goes to 12 miles and you’ve actually tried it.
Your rifle has fought against itself and won every time.
Your rifle won a pole vault event.
You paid $59.95.
You dig your ammo out of a farmer’s field in Ukraine and it works just fine.
You can bayonet your foe on the other side of the river without leaving the comfort of your hole.
Service Life: 100 years.
You believe no real man would dare risk the ridicule of his friends if he suggests there is anything but 7.62x54r.
If your rifle breaks, you buy a new one.
You consider it a badge of honor when you cycle 5 rounds without the aid of a 2x4.
After a long day at the range you relax by visiting the chiropractor.
After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for shish kabob.
Your rifle’s accessory is a small tin can with a funny lid, but it’s buried under an apartment building somewhere in Budapest.
Your rifle’s finish is low grade shellac, cosmoline and Olga’s toe nails.
You’re not sure there WERE cameras to photograph Sergei Mosin.
Late at night, you sometimes have to fight the urge to dig a fighting trench in the yard to sleep in.

[Windy Wilson]

Stuff you know if you have an Enfield rifle.
You’re searching the web for an original volley sight.
You are able to hit a barn from two farms over.
Ten round mags are a life saver!
Your safety is simple and easy to use.
Your sling is canvas or leather depending on your personal preference.
Your sights are peep sights.
Bayonet? You still have five more rounds! Who needs a bayonet?
You can put ten rounds into Jerry at 500 metres.
When all ammunition has been expended, your rifle makes an acceptable club.
Recoil is bested only by the Boys Anti Tank Rifle.
Your rifle has been used to turn back the tide of the Hun (Twice) rescue a nation of wine drinking ingrates (Twice) and protect the colonies of Great Britain for decades.
You bought your rifle from Century arms for $150 and loudly proclaim that you got the better end of the deal.
You buy ammo by the case… Come to think of it you also buy Windex by the case.
You consider it a badge of honor when the ATF shows up on your doorstep demand that you turn over your "Machine gun" and is perplexed when you show them a bolt action rifle. Service life: 100+ years.
You relax after a long day at the range by watching "A Bridge Too Far".
After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge to pull out your Tommy Cooker and "Brew Up". You have the helmet, web gear, and desert uniform your Grandfather wore in Africa chasing Rommel across the desert.
You stock has been boiled in linseed oil.
Your wife tolerates your autographed and framed picture of James Paris Lee, but complains about your autographed, framed picture of Sgt. Snoxall.
Late at night you resist the urge to fix bayonet, climb out of your trench and charge across no-mans land.

Stuff you know if you have an M1 Carbine.
You can clean it with any old stuff, but insist on using the stock mounted oiler.
You can hit a barn at 100 yards, but 300 is pushing it.
Cheap mags are all over the place, but the 30 rounders sometimes fall apart.
You have a nice quiet safety near the trigger that works exactly like the mag release (and vice versa, every time!).
Your rifle has a cheap cotton sling that still looks pretty good.
Your bayonet would make a pretty good steak knife but you don’t have a bayonet lug.
You really don’t know what kind of groups you get, as you pretty much only shoot at cans, bottles, and other bits of junk.
When out of ammo you gun isn’t much good as a club.
What’s recoil, again?
Your peep rear sight is optimistically graduated out to 300 yards.
Your rifle accompanied its bigger brother in freeing the world from oppression.
You paid $600, but wish you could have bought one back in the days when they were only $200.
You pretty much have to use new factory ammo.
You wish you could mount a bayonet.
Service life: long time.
You can’t change cartridge sizes, but you dream of the day when they introduce one in 10mm.
After a long day at the range you relax by watching "The Sands of Iwo Jima".
After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for K-rats and a cigarette.
Your rifle’s accessories are an oiler mounted in the stock.
Your rifle’s finish is good old fashioned Parkerized steel and boiled linseed oil.
Your wife hates your framed wanted poster of ‘Carbine’ Williams.
Late at night during rainstorms you have to fight the urge to dig a foxhole in the kids’ sandbox.

[mekender]

any chance of making that into a list instead of a giant block of unreadable text?

[Catbird]

any chance of making that into a list instead of a giant block of unreadable text?

This is the one that I remember seeing.

[Windy Wilson]

How can I edit my previous posts
?

[randy]

How can I edit my previous posts
?

You should have an Edit button on the lower right portion of your post for any of your own posts

[Windy Wilson]

How can I edit my previous posts
?

You should have an Edit button on the lower right portion of your post for any of your own posts

Nope. I've got a Quote button in the upper right, but no edit button anywhere I can see.

[Windy Wilson]

Now I have an edit button in the upper right!
I think I'll take a nap.

[Windy Wilson]

Here are the three original ones from Head's Bunker:

Stuff you know if you have an AK.
It works though you have never cleaned it. Ever.
You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from inside.
Cheap mags are fun to buy.
Your safety can be heard 300m away.
Your rifle comes with a cheap nylon sling.
Your bayonet makes a good wire cutter.
You can put a .30" hole through 12" of oak, if you can hit it.
When out of ammo, your rifle will nominally pass as a club.
Recoil is manageable, even fun.
Your sight adjustment goes to ‘10’, and you’ve never bothered moving it.
Your rifle can be used by any two-bit nation’s most illiterate conscripts to fight elite forces worldwide.
Your rifle won some revolutions.
You paid $350.
You buy cheap ammo by the case.
You can intimidate your foe with the bayonet mounted.
Service life: 50 years.
Its easier to buy a new rifle when you want to change cartridge sizes.
You can repair your rifle with a big hammer and a swift kick.
You consider it a badge of honor when you get your hand guards to burst into flames.
After a long day at the range you relax by watching "Red Dawn."
After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for a stiff shot of Vodka.
You can accessorize your rifle with a new muzzle brake or a nice stock set.
Your rifle’s finish is varnish and paint.
Your wife tolerates your autographed, framed picture of Mikhail Kalashnikov.
Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to hold your rifle over your head and shout "Wolverines!"

Stuff you know if you have an AR.
You have $9-per-ounce special non-detergent synthetic Teflon-infused oil for cleaning.
You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from 600m.
Cheap mags melt.
You can silently flip off the safety with your finger on the trigger.
Your rifle sling has a 9 point stealth tactical suspension system.
Your bayonet is actually a pretty good steak knife.
You can put 30 rounds through a single hole in a paper target at 100m.
When out of ammo, your rifle makes a great wiffle bat.
What’s recoil?
Your sight adjustment is incremented in fractions of minute of angle.
Your rifle is used by elite forces worldwide to fight two-bit nations’ most illiterate conscripts. Your rifle won the cold war.
You paid $900.
You lovingly reload precision crafted rounds one by one.
Your foes laugh when you mount your bayonet.
Service life: 40 years.
You can change cartridge sizes with the push of a couple of pins and a new upper.
You can repair your rifle by taking it to a certified gunsmith, it’s under warranty!
You consider it a badge of honor when you shoot a sub-MOA 5 shot group.
After a long day at the range you relax by watching "Blackhawk Down."
After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for hotdogs and Apple Pie.
Your rifle’s accessories are eight times more valuable than your rifle.
Your rifle’s finish is Teflon and high tech polymers.
Your wife tolerates your autographed, framed picture of Eugene Stoner.
Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to clear your house, slicing the pie from room to room.

Stuff you know if you have a Mosin Nagant.
It was last cleaned in Berlin in 1945.
You can hit the farm from two counties over.
What’s a mag?
What’s a safety?
Your rifle has dog collars.
Your bayonet is longer than your leg.
You can knock down everyone else’s target just from the shock wave of your bullet going downrange.
When out of ammo, your rifle makes a supreme war club, pike, boat oar, tent pole, or firewood.
Recoil is often used to relocate shoulders thrown out by the previous shot.
Your sight adjustment goes to 12 miles and you’ve actually tried it.
Your rifle has fought against itself and won every time.
Your rifle won a pole vault event.
You paid $59.95.
You dig your ammo out of a farmer’s field in Ukraine and it works just fine.
You can bayonet your foe on the other side of the river without leaving the comfort of your hole. Service Life: 100 years.
You believe no real man would dare risk the ridicule of his friends if he suggests there is anything but 7.62x54r.
If your rifle breaks, you buy a new one. You consider it a badge of honor when you cycle 5 rounds without the aid of a 2x4. After a long day at the range you relax by visiting the chiropractor.
After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for shish kabob. Your rifle’s accessory is a small tin can with a funny lid, but it’s buried under an apartment building somewhere in Budapest.
Your rifle’s finish is low grade shellac, cosmoline and Olga’s toe nails. You’re not sure there WERE cameras to photograph Sergei Mosin.
Late at night, you sometimes have to fight the urge to dig a fighting trench in the yard to sleep in.