Homeless Man

[Flintlock Tom]

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on decoys for duck hunting instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't hunted in 20 years!"

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

[Darrell]

When I lived west of downtown, I was shopping at the neighborhood grocery one day. The local bridge people hung out a block or so down the street, near the liquor store and, well, the bridge. A redheaded midget with a big red beard and wearing a loudly striped mexican poncho/serape approached me as I was standing in the checkout line. He looked like an escapee from LOTR or the Hobbit. In a loud, funny voice he said, "Pardon me, mister, I couldn't help but notice you have a kind face. Could you spare some money for a guy down on his luck?" He had quite the patter down. I'm not one to cave with panhandlers most times, but something compelled me to take out my wallet and gave him a five dollar bill. He held it up, admiring it, and with a big smile on his face he exclaimed loudly, "Oh boy! I'm gonna go buy me some booze!" He ran out of the store as fast as his little legs could carry him.