A Christmas Tale

[Rumpshot]

A little story to start your Christmas season in the right spirit.
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not
produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to
feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit,
which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of
them were about to give birth and two others had jumped
the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards
cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were
scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a glass of cider and a
shot of rum.
When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had
drunk all the cider and hidden the rum.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug,
and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the
kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice
had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched
to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with
a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully,
'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day?
I have a beautiful tree for you.
Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the
.... Christmas tree.

Not a lot of people know this.
Merry Christmas.....

[randy]

[Cobar]

[PawPaw]

An inmate's lament (to the tune of 12 Days of Christmas)

I've only got the first five.

Five days in jail
Four cell-mates
Three square meals
Two handcuffs
And a drug screen I could not pass.

Y'all can all play if you want.

[Termite]

Larry the Cable Guy's 'Twas the Night Before Christmas.