The Gun Counter

Hadn't thought about this for a while (don't get out much these days), but ran into an old pal in a rather HT saloon over the weekend, who challenged me in full voice. I responded in full voice.

So, "Are you a Turtle?"

(I was initiated ca. 1968.)

Chris, with all do respect, I don't think you get it.

You bet your sweet ass, but I think I lost my card on my last deployment.

You bet your sweet ass I am. Think I was double recruited, once after making sergeant, the other by my father in law right after I married "She who must be obeyed."

Bet you sweet ass I am, got the card around '75.

Chris,

Sorry, some days I'm just a little slow. When I was sworn, the presumption was every one had a jackass. "Diabetic donkey" just flew right past.

Or I was jimmying the lock to the CO's officer when he showed up and I had to leave it there to get away in time.

I've heard that one, and still don't know what a damn turtle is.

Anything like a shellback?

You bet your sweet ass I am!

I realize many here are not aware of my previous extensive work as a rapper in Hindi musicals.

Some of my best work and my last film, here -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nf_j9_Hg-hI

Little known factoid about Bollywood...
We all wore at least two hats on any given movie.
I also played the the spurting tree. (no speaking lines, easy part).

Had to draw the line when the producer gave my part as the male lead to his girlfriend halfway through production and expected me to clean up the sets as my 'second hat' function. The tree goo and colored dust were bad enough but that dancing elephant god was just too much, (literally). Ganesh, as it turns out, is full of crap.

While cleaning up one truly epic mess, I strayed to close to the source of same and was buried beneath tons of Ganesh-blessings and nearly died, however I was thankfully rescued by a midget dressed as a British saheeb and rushed to the local clinic. When I awoke, I found my wallet and card were gone, along with all rhytmic ability to rap Hindi.

I wandered - penniless and poor - for many miles and many years before finally landing a gig doing hand choreography for a minor potentate name Clarence Wiggles.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHA_UOzqiiY

It soon became obvious Mr Wiggle's career wasn't going anywhere soon but I managed to parlay the connections into a new gig - I got in on the ground floor of what I thought would be a guaranteed global phenomenon.



While I may have over-estimated the global appeal of the sitar, the association led me to a warehouse full of Martini Henrys.

Fell into gunrunning and ended up here.

So now you know...

PS: In addition to being a shameless liar, I am also a plagiarist. H/T to Dragons Dad - a damn fine bloke and the real star rapper...