Alt-history writing project

Everything cultural, pop or otherwise. Books, movies, music, comics, poetry, random cultural geekery.
Post Reply
User avatar
Captain Wheelgun
Posts: 1123
Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 2:31 am
Contact:

Re: Alt-history writing project

Post by Captain Wheelgun »

Here’s a mini snippet. The San Jacinto has just been commissioned, and Karl is taking Ambassador Molteno and the new British Naval Attache on a tour...

Removed due to upcoming publication of Book 2. See my post on 09/07/2022 for more info.
Last edited by Captain Wheelgun on Wed Sep 07, 2022 3:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"What is this, the Congress Avenue Independence Day Parade?" - Capt. Karl von Stahlberg, RTN
Republic of Texas Navy Archives
User avatar
Captain Wheelgun
Posts: 1123
Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 2:31 am
Contact:

Re: Alt-history writing project

Post by Captain Wheelgun »

And another snippet. Things may be changing for our hero...

Removed due to upcoming publication of Book 2. See my post on 09/07/2022 for more info.
Last edited by Captain Wheelgun on Wed Sep 07, 2022 3:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"What is this, the Congress Avenue Independence Day Parade?" - Capt. Karl von Stahlberg, RTN
Republic of Texas Navy Archives
User avatar
Captain Wheelgun
Posts: 1123
Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 2:31 am
Contact:

Re: Alt-history writing project

Post by Captain Wheelgun »

Another long-ish snippet. Some reasons not to mess with Texas...

Removed due to upcoming publication of Book 2. See my post on 09/07/2022 for more info.
Last edited by Captain Wheelgun on Wed Sep 07, 2022 3:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"What is this, the Congress Avenue Independence Day Parade?" - Capt. Karl von Stahlberg, RTN
Republic of Texas Navy Archives
User avatar
Captain Wheelgun
Posts: 1123
Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 2:31 am
Contact:

Re: Alt-history writing project

Post by Captain Wheelgun »

Another short snippet. Did I get the chief of staff’s job description about right?

Removed due to upcoming publication of Book 2. See my post on 09/07/2022 for more info.
Last edited by Captain Wheelgun on Wed Sep 07, 2022 3:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"What is this, the Congress Avenue Independence Day Parade?" - Capt. Karl von Stahlberg, RTN
Republic of Texas Navy Archives
tfbncc
Posts: 895
Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 2:00 am

Re: Alt-history writing project

Post by tfbncc »

I can't really tell you if you got the COS right, being only a lowly enlisted man, but as far as the story goes it reads pretty good. The only quibble I have is that the conversation is a bit hard to follow trying to put characters to who said what. The references are a bit thin. That may only be a matter of context as this snippet is cut from a larger story.
User avatar
Captain Wheelgun
Posts: 1123
Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 2:31 am
Contact:

Re: Alt-history writing project

Post by Captain Wheelgun »

tfbncc wrote: Sat Jun 04, 2022 7:13 am I can't really tell you if you got the COS right, being only a lowly enlisted man, but as far as the story goes it reads pretty good. The only quibble I have is that the conversation is a bit hard to follow trying to put characters to who said what. The references are a bit thin. That may only be a matter of context as this snippet is cut from a larger story.
I’ll take a look at that. I’ve been trying to minimize using ‘X said...’ but maybe I’ve gone too far on that.
"What is this, the Congress Avenue Independence Day Parade?" - Capt. Karl von Stahlberg, RTN
Republic of Texas Navy Archives
User avatar
Captain Wheelgun
Posts: 1123
Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 2:31 am
Contact:

Re: Alt-history writing project

Post by Captain Wheelgun »

Another snippet, getting close to some action... (Note, the Travis County class destroyers are the four ex-USN Wikes class destroyers mentioned in TATC. MacDonald and Estrada are the captains of the carriers Eagle and Falcon)

Removed due to upcoming publication of Book 2. See my post on 09/07/2022 for more info.
Last edited by Captain Wheelgun on Wed Sep 07, 2022 3:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"What is this, the Congress Avenue Independence Day Parade?" - Capt. Karl von Stahlberg, RTN
Republic of Texas Navy Archives
tfbncc
Posts: 895
Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 2:00 am

Re: Alt-history writing project

Post by tfbncc »

Looking good. I didn't notice any obvious errors.

Ray
User avatar
MiddleAgedKen
Posts: 2871
Joined: Mon Aug 18, 2008 8:11 pm
Location: Flyover Country

Re: Alt-history writing project

Post by MiddleAgedKen »

Not an expert (never served), but my instinct suggests that the "never been a chief of staff/never been an admiral" part of the conversation would be held in private, in order to maintain confidence in the chain of command -- unless the Republic of Texas Navy is an extremely informal culture among its officers.

Offered for what it's worth, which is everything you paid for it. :)
Shop at Traitor Joe's: Just 10% to the Big Guy gets you the whole store and everything in it!
User avatar
Captain Wheelgun
Posts: 1123
Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 2:31 am
Contact:

Re: Alt-history writing project

Post by Captain Wheelgun »

MiddleAgedKen wrote: Sat Jun 11, 2022 2:13 pm Not an expert (never served), but my instinct suggests that the "never been a chief of staff/never been an admiral" part of the conversation would be held in private, in order to maintain confidence in the chain of command -- unless the Republic of Texas Navy is an extremely informal culture among its officers.

Offered for what it's worth, which is everything you paid for it. :)
It actually was in private, the only people there were Karl, Lewis, and the outgoing chief of staff, Captain Franklin.
"What is this, the Congress Avenue Independence Day Parade?" - Capt. Karl von Stahlberg, RTN
Republic of Texas Navy Archives
Post Reply