The Gun Counter

OK, the eldest spawn of my loins has laid down a challenge to me. She is a horror movie aficionado. During her latest rant/conversation, she said there is only one reason people don't like horror movies. "You're a P*ssy!" Well, I couldn't let that pass unanswered.

I don't like horror movies. I find the plots to be contrived, the soon to be victims shallow and expendable, and the whole experience just really doesn't do anything for me. The last horror movie I saw in a theater was either JAWS or The Exorcist sometime back in the 70's. My reply to the "Spawn of Satan" was that people like me would never be included in any horror movie as we are too pragmatic. Scary noises behind a door? Don't Open the Door! Or if you have to go through that door, lead with a grenade and follow with a 12 gauge shotgun. Something scary in the woods? Set the woods on fire and run the other way. You get the idea. Mainly, the heaping mounds of stupidity that encompasses most of the writers/directors just pisses me off.

So, if you were to be a character in a horror movie, how would you deal with the scary threat. List the movie, the scene, and how you would handle it.

Let's have some fun before the shambling horde of ebola plague carrying zombies breaks through the door and steal our magical brownies.

Nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure

Movie: All of them

I don't like horror movies because I don't like watching the kind of people who submit stories to Rescue 911 (aka Trolling Darwin) spout terrible lines and get killed off in predictable fashion.

Also, my reaction to being startled is often to hit things, so "jump scares" just piss me off.

All I'd need to make a horror movie would be a full-frontal nudity shot. At my age, it would scare the hell out of the young'uns.

I feel like horror movies went from a model when they were more suspenseful to one where they are more violent. Then the big three, Jason, Michael and Freddy (seriously though, Freddy? The guy is all scar tissue and packs a set of steak knives. Anyway...) attempted to mix a bit of suspense with gratuitous violence. Sometime later, horror became "impromptu torture." Pretty much strapping someone in a chair and going to work with drills and the like. They called this suspense.

To say I'm not a fan is an understatement. I am a huge fan of thrillers, particularly crime thrillers, but the modern horror film has nothing to offer me.

That being said, I'll take Jason Vorhees, in the desert, with the B-52.

I think calling jaws a horror movies is a bit of an insult. At least compares to the violence and torture porn that make up most modern horror movies.

randy wrote:Nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure

Movie: All of them

Amen!

Steamforger wrote:I feel like horror movies went from a model when they were more suspenseful to one where they are more violent. Then the big three, Jason, Michael and Freddy (seriously though, Freddy? The guy is all scar tissue and packs a set of steak knives. Anyway...) attempted to mix a bit of suspense with gratuitous violence. Sometime later, horror became "impromptu torture." Pretty much strapping someone in a chair and going to work with drills and the like. They called this suspense.

I used to get a kick out of horror movies. I think Hellraiser, and Clive Barker's books, put me off the genre.

Someone said it already, these movies have turned into nothing but torture porn. I remember when Night of the Living Dead came out, that was a horror movie. People kept doing the right thing then the twist at the end when the last survivor was killed because they thought HE was a zombie. Now that's horror.

I think if you add in a fully equipped TGC member to nearly any horror movie, you're going to cause a genre shift to plain old science fiction or fantasy.