The Gun Counter

I saw this explanation of how to sing the blues years ago, and just tracked it down again.

HOW TO SING THE BLUES

by Lame Mango Washington
(attributed to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky, revisions by Little Blind Patti D. and Dr. Stevie Franklin)

1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like " I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes ... sort of: "Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."

(some snipped, just in case)

11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:
a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied

No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund

(more snipped just in case)

16. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling

17. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie

18. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, Auburn, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19. Make your own Blues name (starter kit):
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.

(Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

20. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. I don't care.

You left out the greatest bluesman name ever: Blind Ethnic Pigiron.

Funny post.

And as a teenager, I was the token white boy playing with a bunch of 60-70+ black guys on the West side.

I don't know... Syphilitic Rainbow Carter would have lots of blues to sing about. Come on, between having parents who named you Rainbow (especially if you're a 6'8" 275-pound black man) and having syphilis and everyone asking if you're the son of a Plains peanut farmer, that's a lot of blues right there. He could even collaborate with Schizophrenic Sequoia Johnson.

I would point out that cheap suits became the "uniform" of bluesmen in the 50s, in order to avoid the attention of law enforcement. John Lee Hooker started the trend, and it was made famous by Ackroyd and Belushi in the Blues Brothers.


HTRN

Yeah, but where are the recommendations for bluesmen to listen to? I'll start:

John Lee Hooker
Muddy Waters
B.B. King
Bo Diddley
Little Walter
Lightnin' Hopkins
T-Bone Walker
Willie Dixon
Sonny Boy Williamson
Stevie Ray Vaughan
George Thorogood

That's what I spooled up after I saw the title of this thread earlier.

You left out a few.

Blind Lemon Jefferson
Charlie Patton
Skip James
Son House

and of course, the father of the Blues, Robert Johnson.


HTRN

Eric Clapton in his Blues mode

And Clapton's old band the John Mayall Bluesbreakers.
And the original Peter Green's Fleetwood Mac
And the Peter Green Splinter Group.

Don't forget:

Buddy Guy
Coco Montoya
Gary Moore
Elmore James
Al Collins
Albert King

And a tip of the hat to Robert Johnson who inspired a bunch of these guys.

You're also supposed to trade your soul for talent/fame to the Devil down by the crossroads.

...and some of your songs have to have trains in them.