The Gun Counter

Chris' quote from "Doctor Strangelove" over in The War Room got me to remembering a few years back when I was finishing up college. A bunch of us former active duty, NG/reserve, and ROTC types got together for a weekend of war movies and alcohol. (I went to Southern Illinois University, so pretty much everything involved some kind of drinking. I think some classes required you to blow a .15 just to attend.) Some were silly, like Doctor Strangleove, some were gritty, like Full Metal Jacket, and others like Top Gun, Iron Eagle, and Red Dawn were there for pure 80's cheese.

Now most of us in this little group were also in the anime club or the sci-fi club. We went there for the cartoons but stayed for the hot nerdy chicks. Unfortunately, said hot nerdy chicks had friends who came with them into these clubs who I like to call passivists. They're not even real pacifists, as active pacifism requires effort. So instead their answer to "How does one handle aggression on a personal scale and on a global scale?" was the lazy answer: "Don't do anything. Just take it and accept it." They were very good at finding all the faults of the United States, and I'm glad I only went back once after 9/11.

Anyway, we're about to start up the first movie, Doctor Strangelove, when our regular coterie of passivists enters the dorm room. Eh, they were invited by one of the Marines in our crowd, so it's fine, we figure.

For the next few hours, their reactionary whining became part of the entertainment, to the point of becoming an impromptu drinking game. "War is really dumb because people die!" "War hurts children and other living things!" (Yes, one girl actually said that.) "We need to just get rid of all the weapons in the world, starting with America's. We need to lead by example!" It went on and on, to the point where "If someone makes a negative statement about war, take a drink" became the only real rule. We had other rules at first, but ignored most of them.

We had to explain to these earnestly-dopey youngsters why we found Doctor Strangelove even funnier than they did. They didn't get it, seeing the film as a cautionary tale instead of the gallows comedy it was. Also, the line of "Hey, wanna go back to my place later and swap some precious bodily fluids?" got me slapped.

So, we followed that with Full Metal Jacket. Their cries of disbelief were great. "Why are they taking that abuse? They can just leave when they want to! The sergeant has no right to treat those guys like that!"

One of our Marines pipes up. "Yeah, he's way too nice. Hollywood always censors the good stuff."

The rest of the movie follows with the usual looks of shock and horror from the passivists as we laugh at "Anyone that runs is a VC! Anyone that stands still is a well-disciplined VC!" and such.

So, one guy among the passivists asks us why we're laughing at it. I answer "Because screaming and running away has a better chance of getting you killed than laughing." Eh, it made sense at the time.

We start watching Top Gun. Comedy ensues when someone asks why the pilots aren't "in the garage and fixing their planes." I said that their college education disqualifies them from maintenance, as they're too smart to be put at risk for work-related injuries. They believed me.

So, we skip over Iron Eagle to watch Red Dawn instead. Now, I have a thing about men hitting women, as men should. But that virtue was sorely tested when one of the shrillest whiners asks "How can anyone love this country enough to defend it after it's taken over? It's not worth it."

Yeah, she got an earful after we took one of our guys out of the room who got upset to the point of threatening her.

So, I don't suggest letting passivists see war movies. They won't get why everyone is looking at them like they're crazy.

For what it's worth the pick-up line worked a few days later on the girl who slapped me.

Soup, you are too funny!!

Understand that Red Dawn is a secret pleasure.

At the old, now (allegedly temporarily) closed Red Lion, war films were standard fare. This in liberal Lincoln Park. Those who objected were told to "Shut up!!"

I miss that place.

Though one of the partners has biweekly get-togethers in of all places, DANK Haus!!

If you ever get up here, let me know.

Even more fun is watching a war movie at an on-base theater. Kind of like being at a home playoff game.

For those of you that don't know, military movie theaters always play the national anthem before the feature. Followed by the jokers in the audience (which would be most of them) yelling, "Play ball!"

Saw "Top Gun" for the first time on base. Sold out theater. Was like being at the Super Bowl, with the home team playing.

I think the only military-related movie I ever saw in a base theater was "Chasers."

Shoulda defenestrated them.

If we would have defenestrated them, it wouldn't do much good. We were already on the ground floor of the dorm, and most of us were too busy drinking to use the effort to drag someone up the stairs to throw them out.

"How can you shoot women? Children?"

"You don't lead 'em as much!"

Good movie. Good movie.

I went to the U of Iowa in the early 80's. The student union types had an anti-nuke film festival. Bunch of us AFROTC types showed up and apparently ruined it for the crowd. laughing at the "wrong" things, repeating lines of dialog in unison with the screen ("1 .45 Automatic..."), and cheering Maj Kong and the boys on to the successful completion of their mission. What? you mean this isn't the SAC version of Rocky Horror?

I have to admit, the Army ROTC Corps topped us. During another film festival (probably something to do with inhumanity and ugliness of war or some such rot)they screened The Dirty Dozen. A large part of the Army Cadets showed up. If full camo including face paint. Twas a delightful sight. The "passivists" (that term is officially stolen), hippies and other assorted dregs that collect on campus trying to keep as far away as possible from "the baby burners", (Nah! I'm up to 20 year olds. Got a match?)

I've also been a few gatherings in the AF where cowboy hats were reverently donned at the appropriate point in contemplation of "Nuclear combat, toe to toe with the Russkies".

Nice. My only regret was not doing the movie night during my first semester at Southern. The floor that I had a ratio of 4 veterans to 1 non-military student. There was 1 guy who had transferred to a AFRES squadron at Scott, two who were with the Army National Guard unit in Carbondale, and we even had former military guys from China, Singapore and Ukraine to give it a little international flair.

When my non-military roommate decided one night to start mixing his meds with booze and then try to threaten my life, I had 43 rather angry men and women at my back and one very frightened man in front of me. Then again, my former roommate is a story unto himself.

Two pieces of advice:
-never watch "Lord of War" with anyone anti-gun
-"Lord of War" is not a comedy movie