The Gun Counter

OK, I don't know where this would go, but it's a story. I'm a college professor at night and an elementary school teacher during the day; so this was at my day job with the little kids.

On Thursday, the 5th grade teacher next door told me she had a problem. One of her 5th graders said, "Watch this" to his friends. While she was teaching, she watched him get up, walk back to the sink, stand on his tip-toes, and begin to unzip his pants. She started screaming and yelling and he sat down. He was totally going to urinate in the classroom sink, in the middle of class, in front of the teacher.

On Friday, a 2nd grade teacher said, "Hey, I can totally top Mrs. [redacted]." I said, "Dude, you're high. It's too early in the year, and you can't beat a kid peeing IN FRONT OF YOU." He said, "Wanna bet?" He told me Big 2nd Grader punched Little 2nd Grader. So Little 2nd Grader goes and gets Disproportionately Large 2nd Grader to sit on / hold down Big 2nd Grader at recess on the playground in front of three yard duties and 250 kids.

While Disproportionately Large 2nd Grader is holding down Big 2nd Grader, the one who got hit initially (Little 2nd Grader) pulls down his own pants and proceeds to slap his opponent across the face with his penis over and over again. 2nd grade teacher said, "I don't know what's more troubling: that this happened, or that a 2nd grader somewhere learned this was an acceptable punishment!"

Good grief. You know, it probably won't be long before those kids are all made to register as sex offenders, if something like that happens again.

Sounds like someone's watching R-rated movies around the kids again. Either that or talking smack online without realizing their kids are in the room.

Too many 2nd-graders watching South Park??

workinwifdakids wrote:pulls down his own pants and proceeds to slap his opponent across the face with his penis over and over again.

Uh ... a 2nd grader's penis is about 2" long ......

FelixEstrella wrote:

workinwifdakids wrote:pulls down his own pants and proceeds to slap his opponent across the face with his penis over and over again.

Uh ... a 2nd grader's penis is about 2" long ......

So he got REAL close. Sorry, couldn't resist that. A lot of blame could be spread around to the usual suspects. We've forced our children to grow up too fast and the input they receive from society doesn't really help much.

the world needs ditch-diggers, too.

FelixEstrella wrote:

workinwifdakids wrote:pulls down his own pants and proceeds to slap his opponent across the face with his penis over and over again.

Uh ... a 2nd grader's penis is about 2" long ......

There are so many truly awful responses to that I'm just going to pass it up. Someone get a calendar to note I just used impulse control.


The description of the event is from all the parties involve, trust me. However, in the 2nd grade, the difference between "slapped me with it" and "rubbed it all over my face while jumping up and down on me" is an abstraction they may not yet grasp. See if I tell you the one where the kid shot me in the eye with a laser while I was teaching math.

And here I thought he was being held down as a target for the kid to take a dump on his face. I would have figured he'd have done THAT long before slapping his face with his little penis.

Wow! Just wow. My son complains about being picked on at one time or another, but he's never dick-slapped nor been dick-slapped to my knowledge. I'm truly disturbed.