https://www.theguncounter.com/forum/
https://www.theguncounter.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=13496
This is choc-full of awesome win.skb12172 wrote:I know this group is going to have fun with this one.
Fire Away! (Head Shots Only)
http://www.cracked.com/article_18683_7- ... ickly.html
And if he'd left it at that, it would have been fine. But the particulars of his "Solanum" virus make zombies that much more impossible.Cybrludite wrote:Numbers 7 & 6 get explained away in Max Brooks' book by saying that the zombie virus kills anything that tries to eat the Zed, but the rest still hold true.
I can almost hear the newscasters now.Any zombie creating disease would need to have variable incubation times and liberal infection rates to reach the point of a zombie Apocalypse. There would also need to be a certain mixture of government incompetence, media cover-ups and societal unwillingness to accept the truth for a zombie apocalypse to occur.
"A troubled man allegedly bit three people in downtown Anytown yesterday. The alleged biter was described by witnesses as having gray skin, sightless eyes and was foaming at the mouth. CDC officials made this statement, 'People should remain calm. No infectious disease is responsible for Mr. Jones alleged actions. The alleged attacks were more likely due to his affiliation with the Tea Party."
Three days later…
"Three people had to be restrained at St. Anytown today. They allegedly bit a nurse, and Dr. Quack allegedly lost a finger in the attack but is said to be stable and recovering at home."
Two days later…
"Dr. Quack allegedly bit his wife and kids at their home on the 1500 block of Maple Street this evening. One eye witness said, 'We had no idea Mr. Quack could be violent. He seemed like a good family man.'"
Three days later…
"The FCC will fine any media outlet that uses the terms Zombie, Infected, or Undead to describe the groups of alleged rioters. The CDC recommends people call them, 'Disgruntled Un-Medicated Persons' or DUMP for short. This term has been deemed less offensive than Zombie."
Six days later…
"The president is calling for negotiation with the DUMPers, he stated the need for a peaceful diplomatic solution."
One day later…
"The president was allegedly attacked by a man who was believed to be an ambassador for the Disgruntled Un-Medicated Persons. The president said his 'Re-elect Da Prez!” t-shirt made him an ideal candidate for a peaceful resolution. The president shook hands with the man and bowed. The man then allegedly bit the president’s ear. Secret Service agents subdued the man, with what some people are calling excessive force. One Code Pink witness busy protesting the violent treatment of Zom… err the DUMPers said, ‘The presidents hired goons fired their handguns into the poor disgruntled man’s head it was horrible! I was hit with pieces of his brains. Why do the president’s men need guns anyway?’"
"The President released the following statement, ‘I hold no Ill will toward the man who bit me. We obviously had our differences of opinion. It is with deep regret that my Secret Service agents shot and killed him. I still believe that we can turn this terrible tragedy into something positive. Perhaps we can invite some Disgruntled Un-Medicated Persons to the Rose Garden and talk this over a few beers. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go vomit.”
Two days later…
“A group of Code Pink protesters were subdued by riot police, who were allegedly Disgruntled Un-Medicated Persons. Unfortunately due to their usual behavior it was difficult for the authorities to notice the difference.”
Ten days later…
“The CDC and FEMA are recommending people stay in their homes, lock their doors and fill bathtubs with water. Firearms are not to be discharged at any Disgruntled persons. Anyone who is caught firing weapons will be dealt with by law enforcement.”
One day later…
“The DUMPers are pounding on the doors of the studio. The police were called but haven’t responded yet. The police dispatcher said something along the lines of ‘Braiiinss’ then hung up. Building management has assured us that…”
*Glass breaking*
“Oh God no! They’ve made their way into the studio, and just ate Bob the sound guy!”
*Sounds of a scuffle*
“No please! I’m an objective observer! I just report the news! No I need my face!”
*Moist sounds of chewing.*
And then they would probably make out.... God bless zombies everywhere.Aaron wrote:Never happen that way, Moose, we all know that the last female reporter, (you know, the hot one) would be saved at the last second by a flat-chested yet oddly hot woman in fish nets.
