Avatar II a fan fiction by Moose42

[moose42]

Avatar II

Jake and his blue girlfriend spent many years frolicking in the neon jungle, hugging trees, riding their strange flying lizard beasts and enjoying their primitive lifestyle. Until one night Jake noticed a bright shooting star streaking overhead.

“Hey Neytiri, what’s that?” He said in English. Even after spending years living on Pandora Jake was too lazy to learn the native’s language, why should he when all the important blues spoke English anyway.

“What are you talking about Jake?” She asked.

He pointed up at the brilliant night sky, “That shooting star right there. What do you suppose that is?”

The shooting star gained in brightness until it lit up the night sky as bright as mid day. “Jake, it looks bad!”

“Oh s___! The humans are back and they want their Unobtanium!”

In an instant the forest was vaporized as the relativistic kill vehicle slammed into the stone age village instantly turning their beloved forest into ash in the blink of an eye. Thousands of animals and aliens were wiped out in a blinding flash of light.

A few weeks later the dust settled and a shuttle touched down in the middle of the now ashen field. A survey team wearing respirators walked down the ramp and began checking for the priceless metal.

“Hey Bob why did we blow the Smurfs all to hell anyway?” Curtis asked his boss.

Bob shook his head, “Look Curtis haven’t you been paying attention? We’ve gone over this a bunch of times already.”

“Umm yeah, but I was too busy playing with my ibrain to really catch the gist of it.”

Bob grabbed Curtis by the collar of his jumpsuit, “Hey vacuum brain listen up this time okay? Are you listening?”

“Umm yes.”

“Good, now our world, you know the big blue green ball that we live on called ‘the earth’ well it’s dying.”

“Umm it is? How can you tell?”

Bob had to use all of his self control to keep from ripping his companion’s respirator off his face and letting him suck poison gas. “It doesn’t matter. Our planet is dying and the Smurfs were sitting on the only known metal in the universe that can save us.”

“Unobtanium?”

“Yes Unobtanium.” Bob would like to find the guys that named it and smack them upside the head with a lead pipe.

“So why did we destroy this village?”

Bob shook his head, “Curtis, we didn’t just destroy one village of the Smurfs, we hit every single last population center of the blue devils.”

“You mean we killed them all?”

“Yes.”

“Why? Why didn’t we try to work with them peacefully, and trade with them for the Unobtanium?”

Bob suddenly had a massive headache, “We tried that last time! And guess what? Those blue bastards somehow managed to defeat us despite our advanced robots, helicopters and automatic weapons.”

“So this time we showed them no mercy.”

“You got it genius.”

“But why?”

Bob bent over and picked up a small fragment of Unobtanium. “Because if we don’t get this stuff back to earth everyone will die.”

“Oh, I didn’t think about it that way.” Curtis said as he grabbed the metal from his boss.

Bob knew his companion didn’t think too much about anything, “So either we kill a few million of these Smurfs or over 10 billion people back home die.”

“So I guess nobody on earth wanted to die.” Curtis stated

“Exactly, we were told to go to Pandora and bring back the Unobtainum and to hell with the natives.”

“What about the humans who stayed?” Curt asked.

“They decided to join with the primitives and so they deserved the same fate.”

“You mean we killed them too?”

“Yup, that’s what we do to traitors.”

It all made perfect sense to the simple minded worker.

Bob snapped his fingers, “Hey Curt, hand me that scanner will ya? We have a ton of this stuff to dig up.”

Curt grabbed a couple of the scanners and they got to work unearthing the metal that would save their world.

The End

[HTRN]

Frankly, a RKV/Rod from God/Big ass rock from orbit/whatever you want to call is, frankly, too good for them.

Now, sending in the ANGRY MARINES(ALWAYS ANGRY, ALL THE TIME!), is something those blue bastids really deserve.

Personally, I could see burying a power wrench into each of their primitive skulls.


HTRN

[Flintlock Tom]

Actually it baffled me why the Terrans didn't do that as they left the planet.
Oh, wait, the Smurfs were the "good guys". Never mind.

[staylor]

You forgot the part where the rest of planet (which was spared due to the Navi's low population densities caused by poor sanitation and disease) becomes the galaxies most sought after hunting perserve, owned and operated by Ted Nugent the fifth.
It just seems a good way to rub some salt in that wound.