The Gun Counter

I've been summoned to proceed forthwith to Superior Court for jury duty tomorrow morning.

Last year, I was seated as mystery shopper number 12. The defense attorney said, "What if you decide halfway through the trial that you don't like my client. Could you still be fair?"

I said, "Sure. I don't much like anybody anyway."

It took the judge five minutes to restore order in the courtroom. The bailliff couldn't do it, as he was using a wall to hold himself up while laughing so hard tears were coming down his cheeks. Let's see what sort of havoc we can cause tomorrow.

I have only served on a Grand Jury , we convicted every one, Defense attorneys are funny guys.
Local defense attorney had a jury trial , and was bemoaning the fact that he chose these young Coeds from UAF , and they all voted to convict his guy , He kept saying where are all the dam liberals in this town, I bought him another glass of wine , poor guy.

"jurror, can you make a fiar judgement of someone's guilt based on the facts?"

"sure can... fact 1, he is here in the court, so he must be guilty of something right?"

"you are dismissed"

Been called for jury duty twice ...

First time, was a criminal trial, the day before I had to leave for a trade show. It would have meant my job if I was late.

Wore an old Vietnam era T shirt ... "Kill 'em all, let G-d sort it out." I was dismissed.

Second time was a civil trial, an airline pilot suing his employer because he twice bumped his knee in a simulator.

I wasn't called the first day, so I approached the bench.

"Your honor, this is Chicago, and I ride a motorcycle. I take responsibility for my own safety."

Both sides rushed to the bench to have me dismissed.

Meh. They wouldn't get it.

Ya know, I've never been called to jury duty.

11:30 Report to jury duty
11:30 - 11:52 Sit in stunned silence for 22 minutes
11:52 - 11:55 Jury orientation in heavily-accented English
11:55 - 12:10 Jury pool overwhelmed by orientation; 15-min break
12:10 Jury pool overwhelmed by break; 2 hour 5 minute lunch
2:15 Sit in stunned silence for 50 minutes
3:05 Confess to having no calendar problems for next to weeks
3:25 Dismissed to report at 10:00 am tomorrow.

SLEEP: 3 hours 32 minutes
WORK: 23 minutes

I had duty on a civil case a little while ago. When the judge asked if anyone in the pool had any "feelings one way or another" about all the news stories out there pertaining to lawsuits and capping damage awards, I was the only one out of ~40 people to raise my hand.

I was immediately dismissed when I told the judge and 2 lawyers, in side bar, that I believed excessive litigation was one of the worst problems our country faces. What really amazed me is that I was the only one who had any "feelings" on this matter. We have become a country of sheeple.

Be sure to tell them you can tell if somebody is guilty just by looking at them. Or do what I did, and tell them that you'll vote your conscience irrespective of anything the judge or lawyers say, or the law for that matter.

I've been called four times. The first two involved guns. The first question asked of the jury panel was "Do you own a gun?" Dismissed both times. The third was a copyright case in Federal court. Got picked for that one. Three days of boring testimony. The worst part was after the first half day, it was so apparent which way the judge intended this to go, all we did was listen to him overrule the one attorney, and sustain for the other. The testimony that he allowed was so biased for the one side that the other attorney should have appealed. Maybe he did, I don't know. The fourth case was a insurance company settlement dispute. They asked if anyone ever had a bad experience with an insurance company. Got tossed out on that one.

Netpackrat wrote:Or do what I did, and tell them that you'll vote your conscience irrespective of anything the judge or lawyers say, or the law for that matter.

Yep, works every time. Or you could wear a FIJA T-shirt.....