The Gun Counter

I'm prying apart frozen burgers with a chef's knife.
My GF looks at me and says, "Don't do it ike that, you'll cut yourself."
I say "Ok honey, I'll be careful.... OH SH!T!!!!"

Blood flies everywhere, and I grab a towel to cover my hand.
GF's first reaction is "Am I taking you to the hospital?"

"yes please," I manage.

I'll spare the drawn out details, and give 'Cliff's Notes.'

-Muscles clearly visible.
-bleeding like nuts (they estimated that I probably lost a bit over a pint.
-they had to use a blood pressure cuff as a tourniquet to stop the bleeding long enough to even see what was going on.
-I cut the artery under the thumb
-it was a straight stab into my hand (not a slash), about 1.5 inches deep.
-The PA who stitched me had to race to close it as it was trying to bleed out between pumps of the BP cuff.
-No damage to bone, nerves, or tendons/ligaments.
-Minor damage to muscle--->hematoma. Will take a few weeks, but will heal.

Major ouch. Swollen like nuts.
This happened Mon. afternoon. I can finally use the left hand again but in very limited capacity. still good 'n swollen.
Link to pic of stitches. (not overly graphic).

Yes, i know it was stupid to use my hand as a backstop. Completely my fault and will NEVER happen again.

Damn, that's gotta hurt.

Next time, use a crowbar to pry apart the burgers. The right tool for the job, etc etc.

A couple of nights ago, I was de-boning some chicken breasts for dinner. My son is trying to carry on a conversation about some trivial thing. I told him, "look, I'm not trying to ignore you, I'm trying to pay attention to what I'm doing here and not slice off a piece of my thumb". 10 seconds after the last word left my mouth....Son of a **************..........

Can we start a "Microwave Fund" for Ben?

Throw 'em in the 'wave for a few seconds then pound them on the tile floor!

I was shucking oysters last year and shoved the shucking knife right through the web between my thumb and forefinger. I was a lot luckier than you. Just flesh damage. But no one seemed to want to eat the red oysters

rightisright wrote:I was shucking oysters...

Now you know why it's call "shucking", as in "Ow... shucks!"

Ben - best wishes for a speedy recovery.

Owwww.

Denis wrote: Now you know why it's call "shucking", as in "Ow... shucks!"

I think that line was possibly more painful than the stab!

I can't imagine why nobody wanted red oysters.

RightisRight- I actually do consider myself lucky. I could have caused myself permanent damage. I expect to be functional in another week, and hopefully complete recovery in about a month or so.

I have to say, my GF and I handled it pretty well. She kept her cool all the way until I was being tended to in the urgent care unit. Then she had to go out in the hall because she was getting nauseous. --She's a major keeper. The girl normally passes out at the sight of blood, but kept herself together to focus on the task at hand. Major props to her.

I was busy hitting on nurses (jokingly not serously), and telling jokes, and having fun.
I explained to the triage nurse that I'd stabbed myself in the hand. He asked "with a knife?" I said, "I was going to use a broadsword but thought it would be overkill."

We all kept in pretty good spirits.

Oh!!!! I forgot the best part. I had x-rays done to see if I'd damaged the bone. I then came back to my bed in Urgent Care. This guy comes up to me. He's wearing a starched white shirt, hospital ID tag, clipboard, etc... He says,
-"Hi, are you Ben?"
-"Yes, I am. What can I do for you?"
-"I'm doing testing for E.D."
-"WHAT?!?!?! ALL I DID WAS HURT MY HAND!!! WHAT THE HELL DID THE X-RAY DO TO ME?"
-"No, E.D. is the Emergency Department. I do testing for them."
-"oooohhhhh well that's different."

We had a good laugh once he realized that most people associate E.D. with erectile dysfunction.

I can't imagine why nobody wanted red oysters.

Tell'em its Tabasco.

Ben S wrote:Yes, i know it was stupid to use my hand as a backstop. Completely my fault and will NEVER happen again.

Wanna bet?

That's the funniest kind of injury. The kind you get just after someone warns you you're about to injure yourself!

When I get an injury serious enough to require professional attention, someone invariably asks, "How do you feel?" I'm guessing they want to know if I'm feeling lightheaded or nauseous. I always answer, "I feel like an idiot!"

Sorry to hear you got hurt, Ben. I did something similar with a woodcarving knife-it slipped away from the wood and cut my index finger down to the bone. It was just lucky there were no major vessels at the time.

A BP cuff as a torniquet is a good improv, but its not really the best thing for the job, as you saw, because it slowly leaks and looses pressure. Sounds like your girl may have kept her head better than the hospital staff-they should have something better than that to stop bleeding.

It's obviously you're girlfriends fault - she distracted you at a critical juncture.

Be sure to place the blame loudly and with lots of snide remarks.

(And oh, a chef's knife IS the best way to seperate em', just not the way you're doing it, you don't use it like an ice pick - lay they're oriented vertically, and then use the edge of the blade to seperate them).


HTRN