You are Ivan the Terrible!

[First Shirt]

My stepdaughter's first husband apparently believed me when I told him that "That's my little girl, and if you make her cry, I will make you cry. And pee down your leg like a small puppy."

When he called to tell her he wanted a divorce, she was in Omaha, and he was in Oklahoma City.

[308Mike]

When he called to tell her he wanted a divorce, she was in Omaha, and he was in Oklahoma City.

Yeah, but where were you when she called and told you?

[First Shirt]

I was in Council Bluffs, Iowa when she called at midnight to tell me. He said he was heading south from OKC.

I haven't found him yet. Doesn't mean I'm not still looking.

[Dedicated_Dad]

I've not gotten into any of that sort yet - though anyone who looks "serious" will certainly get a talking-to.

I met Wifey when she was 43. We drove to WI to meet her Dad. First chance he had with me alone he said "Tell me why I should be happy to see you with my little girl." I told him "because I have two of my own, and will do my best to treat yours the way I'd want mine to be treated." Apparently he liked that answer.

Preacher once asked the Ex how she'd react if a woman treated her son the way she treated her husband (he'd seen her act out once - told me she was "possessed" and might have been right... ) - she said "I'd kill her." Never forgot that...

Anyhow... If the guy tried and it didn't work out, well... Not sure I could hold that against him (having left one myself) but if he HURT her in some way - cheated on her, etc. he'd have reason to worry. If he put his HANDS on her he'd be best off to flay his own self with a salt-crystal and thus avoid the majority of the pain I'd be looking to cause him...

DD

[Lokidude]

CC the Armed, Malleus Homieficarum, Defender of Fez, Caballero de la Apocalipsis, Scourge of the Homies

Fixed it for ya.

That was already in there. 'Malleus Homieficarum' is 'Hammer of the Homies'.

Ah. Latin fail, it seems. It's on the list of things to learn, I swear. Might have to be one of my resolutions for the new year, to begin to learn it.

[Rod]

Maybe I overdid it at first. I told my daughter's ex-husband when he asked to marry her, that I'd hunt him down and kill him if he hurt her. He didn't even TRY to contest the divorce and has never had any contact with the children.

Oh wait, he's just a piece of sh**, no good, son of a *****, Phillie gangbanger. Never mind.

Should have shot him when he first brought the idea of marriage up.

[Combat Controller]

CC the Armed, Malleus Homieficarum, Defender of Fez, Caballero de la Apocalipsis, Scourge of the Homies

That was already in there. 'Malleus Homieficarum' is 'Hammer of the Homies'.

Ah. Latin fail, it seems. It's on the list of things to learn, I swear. Might have to be one of my resolutions for the new year, to begin to learn it.

Heh, and I was going to pick CC the Convivial. I like yours better...

[Vonz90]

Heh...

To my daughters' boyfriends I'm "The all-knowing, merciless, G*d of your universe, He Who Must Not Be Crossed."

I've spent so many years - since they were about three - warning them about how I'm going to abuse the poor stupid b@$+ards and put the fear of G*d into them before they're allowed to leave my house with my little girl...

By the time the poor sots show up to get her, they're practically p~$$ing their pants. I've never said anything more than "Be careful! Have fun! What time will you be home?" but they still quake every time - the one poor kid still worries after over a year... You can literally see/hear his hands/voice shake. Eldest - now almost 18 - even says "I don't know why he's so afraid of you."

"Because he's not stupid. Which is why he's still alive after a whole year."

Is it wrong for me to be proud of this?

Do you think I CARE??

It's actually GOOD to know that my girls're so convinced I'd kill him that I don't have to tell him myself... Seems better this way, somehow...

DD

One of my oldest daughters friends saw me in the yard, got back into his car and left without even coming up to the door. (My daughter told me about it later, I didn't even notice the guy.)

[Dedicated_Dad]

I picked up a girl, once. Her dad was sharpening his USMC bayonet. He looked up, said "she's in there", stared at me for a long moment then went back to what he was doing.

'nuff said?

Dang right. She was home EARLY.

Eldest's latest is trying too hard - he comes off a bit "Eddy Haskell"... Gotta give him credit, though - he never fails to bring her in the door and tell me "Just wanted to be sure you knew she was home, and safe" or something to that effect. She says he's afraid she'll fall and hit her head or something after he's gone and I'll blame him... He doesn't want to have to look over his shoulder for the rest of his life.

Yup - smart kid!

DD

[First Shirt]

The Darling Daughter says that she married her husband because "he's the only one you didn't scare away."

She got hurt at work once, a worn-out air chuck on a grinder came loose and flew back, busting her in the lip. When she got home, her husband looked at it, and said "Thank God it's not on the other side, your dad would kill me before I could convince him I didn't do it!"