Brother came out of the closet

[rightisright]

What everyone else said.

With regard to the nature v. nurture thing, a gay guy I knew in college summed it up pretty well for me. Paraphrasing, he said, "Why would I choose to be gay knowing all the problems society heaps upon gay people."

[Weetabix]

What workin' said.

he will always be your brother, even if you dont approve of his lifestyle...

Now, here's a statement to ponder. Orientation and lifestyle aren't the same thing. I think a promiscuous lifestyle of whatever persuasion is quite bad for the person who lives it.

While you should accept your brother as he is and love him, you are your brother's keeper. If he's behaving in a manner that will damage himself, loving him as you love yourself obligates you to try to persuade him away from that lifestyle. Loving your neighbor places a positive obligation.

Disclaimer: I'd say the same thing of a gay brother, a straight brother, a gay sister or a straight sister. Promiscuity hurts the practicioner no matter who or what he is.

[Aglifter]

All I can suggest is prayer, and following where that leads you. As a Christian, you're, probably, called not to tolerate homosexuality -- but, remember God views all sins the same. I don't know if there is such a thing, but if there's a church in the area which tolerates homosexuality, it may help to have him join -- I think one of the reasons why so many gays are miserable is that they fall into the "gay culture" which seems to promote heavy substance abuse, nihilism, and promiscuity.

[FelixEstrella]

Is he your brother first or his he gay first? Answer that question and you'll deal with it just fine.

[Vonz90]

General bummer there I guess. I will second the word that prayer is a great way to go. I won't offer any advice on what your actions should or shouldn't be because that depends so much on the specifics that anything I would say is likely to be way off base.

One thing to consider since you brother is apparently rather young, There have been more than a few cases where young HS/College kids are talked into that lifestyle because it is an opportunity for acceptance from a peer group or they are conviced that their normal range teenage confusion means that they are gay. If you think that is what is going on, then counceling (with the right therapist - there is a huge range) might be in order.

BTW - the actual national percentage is something like 2-3%. A lot of higher numbers are thrown out there, but they are not statistically valid. Of course there are areas where the percentage is much higher due to self selection and so forth.

[FastRope71]

Your chore in reconciling it won't be made easier by the ideological divide.

Don't let your need/desire to be heard and understood get drowned out by his need to be accepted. Don't let him pull the victim card. The only thing that has changed is you knowing about it. If you loved him before, there's precious little to change that now. If you couldn't care less if he were careening into a concrete wall, then there's no need to be falsely loving.

Whatever happens when you see him next. Let it be real.

Also, +1 to what workinwifdakids said.

[DougWojtowicz]

He's still your brother, and he's not causing harm to himself or to others. He's not needed to replenish the tribes of Israel as they wander through the desert, and with safe sexual practices, he will not cause a danger to the community by contracting or transmitting anything.

Basically, if you're fine having a cheeseburger, wearing clothing of two different kinds of thread, and planting more than one style of crop in the adjacent patches of soil, then the religious ban on homosexuality, which had been thoroughly examined by Jewish scholars even before Christ's birth, shouldn't influence your feelings toward him. And since it isn't one of the ten rules clawed into stone by the finger of the Creator Himself, it shouldn't be a sin.

If he were engaging in violent sexual predation and heterosexual, he'd be far more worthy of ostracism and familial divorce. He's got, or is hoping to find, a consentual, equal partner. He's relatively happy after a period of emotional turmoil. Love your brother.

[Flintlock Tom]

Since you asked for opinions, and you ask as a Christian, I will share mine with you.
Every human drawing breath on this planet is a sinner. Sin interrupts our relationship with God. God makes one, and only one, provision to restore that relationship.
Lying, cheating, stealing, adultery, fornication, lust, avarice, envy, greed, murder are all sins which build a wall between us and God. Whether the wall is thick or thin, we cannot by-pass it on our own. Our good behavior will not save us from God’s wrath, nor will our sinful behavior condemn us. We are condemned by choosing to be separate from God.
When we choose to accept the redeeming work of Christ, we also accept that he was condemned and executed in our place. The price was paid and our relationship with God is restored.
The depth of that relationship is reflected in our behavior. We all have sinful impulses, but we do not act on them.
Every day I lie, cheat and steal. But I do not expect my Christian friends to treat this behavior as acceptable.
Lying, cheating, and stealing (and homosexual behavior) is not acceptable to God. There is no ambiguity in His Word on this.
My advice to you is that you treat your brother as a brother whom you love. However you should not allow unacceptable behavior in your presence, any more than you would allow your brother to shop-lift while shopping with you.
We cannot control the impulses which enter our minds. We can control how we respond to them.

[blackeagle603]

Grace AND truth, well spoken Tom.

[SeekHer]

I have a few nieces and nephews and cousins who are out of the closet and my quite large family lives by this credo for the most part…They might not personally approve of, but they are family and they will defend their right to do what (and who) they choose as long as it is not felonious…

The vast majority of them are full blown outdoors people and a nephew is probably one of the best live bird wingshots I’ve ever seen and a niece who is a superb rifle shot…They mostly all grew up in rural settings, whether in small towns or on the farms so hunting and fishing are part of their lifestyle…They came out for Xmas a couple of times to the farm with their partners and the old biddies complained not of their sexual orientation so much as they were sharing a bed “unmarried” and pre-marital sex isn’t allowed…

One of my oldest and closest friends is a lesbian and is godmother to two of my daughters, the twins, and Aunty J to all the others…When my first wife died, she and I would go to the pubs together with the same intentions, to pick up woman and we’d fight over which one to choose, or that’s not your type but that one there is…

Like has been said by the other, he's your brother and that will never change just who he now dates did...