Yogi Reviews: "Alien: Isolation" (sober)

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Yogimus
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Yogi Reviews: "Alien: Isolation" (sober)

Post by Yogimus » Thu Nov 06, 2014 12:29 pm

Christ, what do people see in this shit?

Overall impression of the game? A hodgepodge of cliche's in a beautiful package. Rubber-band AI disguised as "Unique", jump scares, and the entire. fucking. game. is a GOD DAMNED FETCH QUEST.

Let's start by tearing apart the selling point:

Problem # 1: The "Supersexy" A.I. Remember metal gear solid 2? from like 2 decades ago? That is the alien A.I. A combination of "What was that noise" with "Mario Kart" style ALWAYS RIGHT BEHIND YOU placement. This is my single biggest fucking complaint. Where do you think the alien is? Wherever the fuck YOU are. It stops being a creature, and just becomes a punitive event for making noise. IT DOES NOT EXIST. IT SPAWNS AND DISAPPEARS AT WILL. This is the single biggest gamebreaker.

Seriously. It is purely PURELY a reaction to a fuckup. It is used to create artificial stress in a stupid stupid stupid series of fetch quests.

Problem # 2: The game itself is driven purely by "Meet guy, he needs a tiddlywink to open another area, (which is always where the alien is) hand over tiddlywink, and repeat.

Problem # 3: The game has guns in it, but their implementation is so fucking retarded that it kills immersion. There are robots you can shoot. People you can't shoot. An alien that doesn't get shot even if you DO shoot it. Bullets are hidden in fucking awful and quite frankly illogical places. Oh look! A single bullet under this medlab table. A bullet in a vent! wee! Never a fucking BOX of bullets, mind you. It makes sense I suppose, since there is never another gun anywhere in the game unless wielded in a cutscene. Look, did someone smuggle a fucking pistol into the station, and then had to use the bullets as breadcrumbs? IT MAKES NO DAMNED SENSE OTHER THAN A GAME MECHANIC!

Problem # 4: The ONLY INTERACTIVE CHARACTERS IN THE GAME THAT ARE NOT QUEST HUBS OR AN INSTANT DEATH ARE FUCKING ROBOTS. Ones that forget about you if you hide long enough.

Problem # 5: The alien movement is ONLY good in scripted events. Otherwise, it is a bipedal bigheaded idiot.


Look.... I get it. It is an atmosphere game. Unfortunately, the atmospheric immersion is obliterated by the cliche's.

Here are a few I noticed:

Can we not have an original. Fucking. LEAD. Who is the protagonist? RIPLEY'S FUCKING DAUGHTER. Because OF COURSE SHE IS. The motiontracker makes a return. Because OF COURSE IT DOES. There is a flamethrower. ANOTHER BOX CHECKED. Go in the vent! That connects TWO ROOMS AND NOTHING ELSE! WHAT? THE? FUCK?!?!?! Why is there a vent there? Because we locked the fucking door. That is why there is a vent in that fucking wall. Want to OPEN the door? Remember the torches used by the marines in aliens? WE GOT THOSE TOO!

The game is fucking great until "The moment" it happens to you. The moment is when you notice you are playing a game, and the immersion is shattered. Buy that shit for 10 bucks.
Last edited by Yogimus on Thu Nov 06, 2014 12:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Yogimus
Posts:4922
Joined:Mon Apr 18, 2011 6:32 am

Re: Yogi Reviews: "Alien: Isolation" (sober)

Post by Yogimus » Thu Nov 06, 2014 12:30 pm

Oh and everyone seems to be jolly fine with the first alien contact in the universe of this game. No one cares. No one ELSE cares anyway.

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