The Gun Counter

This is not a review of the commercials individually, but more of an open letter to the Advertisement Agencies behind the Ads themselves. Namely, the AMERICAN COMPANY adds.

What the FUCK, guys? EVERY SINGLE CAR ADD was a fucking short-story/indie movie about how "AMERICAN AMERICA IS" and how "We will survive" and how "NO ONE EXPECTED US", and the theme really just rings hollow for me. NOT A SINGLE american car was advertised as a car, but as an embrace of a shallow, depressing ideal.

- Chevy silverado: A cow is gonna get straight bored out, yo. Not selling the car, selling the bull dick in the back. The commercial was based around the punchline of "COWS WILL FUCK".

- Ford: Our Hybrid engine is TWICE AS AWESOME, and we will IN NO WAY BASE THIS COMMERCIAL AROUND THE ENGINE, but around how we are making history by making a long commercial, and play off of "Let's see what everything looks like twice as awesome". I actually had to look up what car they were selling with this add while I was writing this.

- Crystler: Bob Dylan commercial... whoo... where to start with this jumbled mess of imagery. The FIRST FUCKING LINE: "What is more American than America?" Really? Find the motherfucker that wrote that, and kick him in the dick. Bob Dylan is not a recognizable face anymore. Horrible choice. We didn't know who the fuck the person in the commercial was till he picked up an album cover. Also, HOW DO YOU MAKE A CAR COMMERCIAL WITHOUT THE GOD DAMNED CAR?!?! The car was in like 2 seconds of a MINUTE LONG DIATRIBE ABOUT VICTIMHOOD AND PATRIOTISM. How the FUCK do you combine those concepts and think it will sell a god damned thing?

POP QUIZ HOTSHOT! What car were they selling? How many doors? No idea.

- Volkswagen: SELLS THAT THEIR CARS REGULARLY HIT 100K MILES. (not a big deal, but they're selling CARS not ideals)

- Hyundai: Check out our features, they'll protect your kid so you don't have to! (Selling the car through features)

- Kia: The "Truth" add with morpheus has EXPLOSIONS! had ACTION! was FUNNY! How the fuck do those crazy kimchi eating motherfuckers OUTDO US in making "American" commercials?

- Toyota Highlander: Muppets fit an entire band into a car. Awesome because it was FUNNY, and it FOCUSED ON THE CAR by displaying and basing the commercial around its features. (cargo room)




- Budweiser: Puppy commercial, while cute, fails as a beer advert. It was depressing as fuck.

- Bud Light: Up for whatever commercial: WAY too much effort, and all it ended up doing is made me hate the jackoff the commercial was centered around. It felt fake, forced, and presented a stream of events I wanted nothing to do with. What a horrible waste of money. The implication of course being that if you drink bud light, maybe you too will be allowed to mingle with pretty people. You fucking troglodyte.


When a korean car company does a better AMERICAN commercial than ford/chevy, you've lost your way.

I don't drink Budweiser in any form, it tastes like donkey piss, and gives me a screaming headache. Disclaimer: I don't actually know what donkey piss tastes like, but if I had to guess, it would be Budweiser. However, I admit that Budweiser sells lots of donkey piss and I do like their commericals. Any commercial that highlights horses, puppies, and smoking-hot Sports Illustrated models is okay with me.

PawPaw wrote:I don't drink Budweiser in any form, it tastes like donkey piss. Any commercial that highlights horses, puppies, and me smoking a hot Sports Illustrated models is okay with me.

fixed it for ya

Seemed like the sexual innuendos and double entredre's were running thicker than normal this year. I mean seriously, to name just one -- a Butterfinger threesome?

My wife about went ballistic at that. I went GQ station in case my buddy's big screen was put in jeopardy.

re: Bud

Has a special place (in my mind/nostalgia -- not my taste buds) for the times, places and old shipmates it calls to mind... e.g. A few "2 can Beer days" underway on Gonzo station, Spring Break '87 in the Diego Garcia E-club listening to Hank Jr on the big screen...

OTOH, Miller gags me.

Never been a serious beer drinker myself and my tastes run toward the darks and bitters. Completely out of it now since going wheat free. Well, have recently found some passable gluten free brews like the Red Bridge (Sorghum based) from Bud. Keeping the carbs low means that's just a special occasion type thing.

Quite a company though... Only been a few years since the family making it a public company. Stock and dividends worth more than a passing glance. A quick grab or brands listed on their website:

Budweiser Family (including Black Crown)
Bud Light Family
Michelob ULTRA Family
Michelob ULTRA Fruit Family
Stella Artois, Hoegaarden and Leffe
Beck’s
Shock Top
Landshark Lager
Michelob
Select Family
Bass and Boddingtons
Margaritaville Brewing Co.
Chelada Family
Goose Island
Busch
Natural
Rolling Rock
Bud Ice
Kirin
O’Doul’s
Specialty Beers
Regional Beers
Tilt
Malt Liquors
BACARDI