- This year, for Valentine's day, the challenge presents itself:
1. How can I keep her off my ass?
2. What is the bare minimum I can spend to keep the peace?
3. If I play my cards right, will I be getting oral sex?
Well, friends, there is a low cost way to make all this happen. Name a star after her. Well, not a real star... hell, don't even go through a company. Just google a generic certificate, and photoshop your broad's name n it. Type up a official looking form, saying: "Star KD484 is now named 'Sugartits Squishmitten' in the smithsonian archives", and insert a niht sky photo with an arrow pointing to a faint dot.
Now here is the trick: Package all this shit in a sweet ass envelope, and give it to her. (Don't skimp on the stationary)
She stays happy, her mouth stays quiet, and your dick gets wet. All for under 20 bucks.
Gift for valentine's day
- Yogimus
- Posts: 4922
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- Posts: 6149
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Re: Gift for valentine's day
One of the secrets to a happy life, across a host of circumstances, is the judicious use of forgery.
"There are four types of homicide: felonious, accidental, justifiable, and praiseworthy." -Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
- Jericho941
- Posts: 5180
- Joined: Sun Aug 24, 2008 8:30 am
Re: Gift for valentine's day
What, there's a purpose to Cheap Chocolate Day Eve?
- HTRN
- Posts: 12397
- Joined: Wed Aug 20, 2008 3:05 am
Re: Gift for valentine's day
You're asking for trouble doing that. I can almost guarantee that she'll try to verify it...
HTRN, I would tell you that you are an evil fucker, but you probably get that a lot ~ Netpackrat
Describing what HTRN does as "antics" is like describing the wreck of the Titanic as "a minor boating incident" ~ First Shirt
Describing what HTRN does as "antics" is like describing the wreck of the Titanic as "a minor boating incident" ~ First Shirt
- Cybrludite
- Posts: 5048
- Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:13 am
Re: Gift for valentine's day
Ah, yes. Singles Awareness Day, aka Drink Myself Into Oblivion Day.
"If it ain't the Devil's Music, you ain't doin' it right." - Chris Thomas King
"When liberal democracies collapse, someone comes along who promises to make the trains run on time if we load the right people into them." - Tam K.
"When liberal democracies collapse, someone comes along who promises to make the trains run on time if we load the right people into them." - Tam K.
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Re: Gift for valentine's day
Meh, my wife and I generally exchange small boxes of chocolate and cards, nothing fancy. Our first communication (when she answered my personal ad) was on Valentine's day though.
I tell my wife I love her every day (multiple times). I buy her flowers regularly for no reason. I see no reason to spend four or fives times the price of flowers just because it's the day a particular Saint is venerated for whom legend says if you look upon his relics your loved ones will be free from trouble for the coming year (at least that's the version I heard).
OTOH, inquiring minds would like to know if anyone here on the forum (a) knows Yogi's lady friend and (b) would stoop so low as to engage in blackmail over showing her the OP.
I tell my wife I love her every day (multiple times). I buy her flowers regularly for no reason. I see no reason to spend four or fives times the price of flowers just because it's the day a particular Saint is venerated for whom legend says if you look upon his relics your loved ones will be free from trouble for the coming year (at least that's the version I heard).
OTOH, inquiring minds would like to know if anyone here on the forum (a) knows Yogi's lady friend and (b) would stoop so low as to engage in blackmail over showing her the OP.
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- Joined: Sat Apr 27, 2013 9:17 am
Re: Gift for valentine's day
It's not cricket to put a hornet's nest in another man's house.
What happens in the Man Cave, stays in the Man cave. Solidarity, brothers.
What happens in the Man Cave, stays in the Man cave. Solidarity, brothers.
"There are four types of homicide: felonious, accidental, justifiable, and praiseworthy." -Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
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Re: Gift for valentine's day
Oh, I'd never do such a thing. OTOH, if the situation were reversed, I suspect Yogi would just for fun.Aesop wrote:It's not cricket to put a hornet's nest in another man's house.
What happens in the Man Cave, stays in the Man cave. Solidarity, brothers.
- Aglifter
- Posts: 8212
- Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 12:15 am
Re: Gift for valentine's day
No, as has oft been said, "Yogi is an asshole, but he's our asshole, and we'd have to kill him if he did XYZ, and he knows it."
And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm Reliance on the Protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our Fortunes, & our sacred Honor
A gentleman unarmed is undressed.
Collects of 1903/08 Colt Pocket Auto
A gentleman unarmed is undressed.
Collects of 1903/08 Colt Pocket Auto
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- Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2008 2:15 pm
Re: Gift for valentine's day
I bought my wife something for Valentine's Day once. And she bought me a matching something at the exact same time.
We were planning on spending the day in, together, but we went out for a walk to get some lunch. On the way to the restaurant we saw a vendor selling roses (short stemmed, not expensive) being held by cute little stuffed animals. We each got the other one, and we planned it out so the respective stuffed animals looked like a boy/girl couple. Still have the stuffed animals somewhere.
Artificial, scripted, 'you MUST buy a gift now, of one of these approved types' holidays are vile and we both disapprove.
We were planning on spending the day in, together, but we went out for a walk to get some lunch. On the way to the restaurant we saw a vendor selling roses (short stemmed, not expensive) being held by cute little stuffed animals. We each got the other one, and we planned it out so the respective stuffed animals looked like a boy/girl couple. Still have the stuffed animals somewhere.
Artificial, scripted, 'you MUST buy a gift now, of one of these approved types' holidays are vile and we both disapprove.
Maybe we're just jaded, but your villainy is not particularly impressive. -Ennesby
If you know what you're doing, you're not learning anything. -Unknown
Sanity is the process by which you continually adjust your beliefs so they are predictively sound. -esr
If you know what you're doing, you're not learning anything. -Unknown
Sanity is the process by which you continually adjust your beliefs so they are predictively sound. -esr