Gun phun

[Baja boy]

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says 'A beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'

'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.'

'Is it common?'

'Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning..' 'I don't believe you,' says Dolly. 'It's true! No bull!' exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!'

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. 'But why,' they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) .... A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did

No virus found in this incoming message.

[FelixEstrella]

A rope walks into a bar and says: "Get me a beer!" The bartender replies: "We don't serve ropes here."

So the rope walks out and says to the first guy he sees walking down the sidewalk: "Tie me in a knot and fray the end." The guy does so.

The rope walks back in the bar and says: "Get me a beer!" The bar tender replies: "Aren't you the same rope that just came in here?"

The rope says: "Fraid Knot!"

[DougWojtowicz]

A priest, a rabbi and an atheist walk into a bar.

They say OW!

#

A priest, a rabbi and an atheist walk into the bar. The bartender looks up and says "What is this, a joke?"

[MarkD]

A mushroom walk into a bar, the bartender says "We don't serve your kind in here" The mushroom replies "Why not? I'm a fungi!"

[tfbncc]

You shall all be flogged at sunrise with a cat o' nine made from rusty barbed wire fence.

[randy]

"This will get out of control and we will be lucky to survive it"

[workinwifdakids]

A duck walks into a bar, waddles up the stool and says, "Hey, got any sammiches?"

The bartender says, "Nah, this is a bar." The duck QUACKS and waddles off.

Next day, the duck walks in, waddles up the stool and says, "Hey, got any sammiches?"

The bartender stops for a minute, draws a breath, and says, "Uhh, look, this is a bar. No sandwiches." The duck QUACKS and waddles off.

The next day the duck walks into the bar, waddles up the stool and says, "Hey, got any sammiches?"

The bartender grabs the duck by the bill and says, "LOOK, duck! I told you no, then I told you no, and then I told you NO. Now, if you come back again and ask for a sandwich, I'm going to NAIL YOUR WEB FEET TO THE BAR!" The duck QUACKS and waddles off.

So, the next day, the duck walks in, waddles up the stool and says, "Hey, got any nails?"

The bartender looks at him and says, "No."

The duck says, "Got any sammiches?"

[First Shirt]

"He who would pun would pick a pocket."

[Cybrludite]

They say the beauty of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder...

[HTRN]

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walk into a bar.

It exploded because it couldn't contain that much awesome.


HTRN