The Gun Counter

My grandfather told Roy Rogers that his horse was about to escape.

Is that a Trigger warning?

Boo!

Boo this man!

Will there was a time when a cougar was stalking around Roy's ranch. He had bought some new shoes and walked around in shallow pond to get them "fitted" to his feet. He put them out on the porch to dry out. Dale didn't like them in the house until the smell went away. Roy went out the next morning and his shoes were gone and there were cougar tracks leading away from where they were. His foreman told Roy not to worry he and the hands would track the cougar down. Later in the day the foreman road up with the cougar draped over a saddle . He asked Roy , " Pardon me Roy, is the cat that ate your new shoes ? "

Be careful Toad... You're still in Texas, correct? Because I think that qualified you under the "he needed killin" defense.

Toad, they call people who tell jokes that people laugh at "comedians".

You are not one of those people.

Lemme show you how its done.

The bad guys have captured the Lone Ranger, have him naked on the ground, and are about to shoot him. "Do you have any last wishes??", one of them asks.
"Bring my horse, Silver, over here.", the Long Ranger replies.

They grant his wish and over comes Silver. The Lone Ranger whispers for a moment into Silver's ear. Then Silver disappears over the horizon like lightning. He returns in just a few seconds with a big, beautiful woman in the saddle. She hops off Silver, strips naked and in short order she and the Long Ranger enjoy themselves to the utmost, much to the delight of the bad guys.

When they've finished, another bad guy says, "That looked like good fun. Do you have any other last wishes??"

"Yes ..bring my horse, Silver, over here one more time.", the Long Ranger replies.

Silver approaches, and the Long Ranger whispers into his ear, "You idiot! I said bring POSSE!"

Just be glad I can't remember the death of Tarzan joke.

toad wrote: ↑Wed Jul 18, 2018 9:21 am Just be glad I can't remember the death of Tarzan joke.

It has something to do with Tarzan, Jane, and somebody being a big "Cheetah".....

Tarzan hiding in an apple tree, Simba the Elephant picking apples, Cheetah attempting to sodomize Simba, Cheetah being shit out and becoming impaled on a branch, Simba breaking off the branch and beginning a long drunken stumble to a park ranger station for help, and Simba enrolling in a 12 stomp program. If I recall correctly it took about 5 pages to get all the detail in. My favorite lines concerned the two hyenas taking a drink from the pond were Tarzan finally ended up , " Damn this taste like Tarzan's ass "...."How do you know how is ass tastes ? " , What happens in Nairobi stays in Nairobi ."

Also do you realize how old you have to be to know "Chattanooga Cho Cho " lyrics?