Thor Is Now A Woman

[Aesop]

In an epic WTF moment unequalled since the unveiling of "New Coke" and the Edsel, it was announced on ABC's The Spew that according to Marvel Comics, Thor has somehow screwed up, had gender reassignment surgery done in Ink & Paint, and mjolnir will thus now be wielded by a woman.

In other news, IronMan will now become Low-Iron Man, and Robert Downey Jr. is due to start having periods in the next Avengers movie.

Okay, the second part I made up.
I'm going out on a limb, and betting that when this epically screws over the Marvel-verse, and starts torpedoing film revenues, Marvel's owner, i.e The World's Biggest Mouse, is going to announce that several former Marvel Comics executives will be on bathroom cleanup with toothbrushes at Shanghai Disney until sometime in the 22nd century, and that "Hey, we don't know where anyone got the idea that Thor is a woman, but seriously, have you seen how buff Chris Hemsworth is??"

No word from Scandinavia about how the natives feel about a comic book company fucking with their millennia-old mythology, but I suspect the sentiments will be on a par with Demi Moore trying to rewrite classic literature from Nathaniel Hawthorne, and clowns trying to play Hamlet.

The last time someone there had an idea this ill-conceived, Johnny Depp ended up playing Indian Chief Jack Sparrow.

[Yogimus]

Not nearly the dumbest things comics have done to major franchises.



Thor is not a major franchise.

[Jericho941]

Funny, I don't recall comic book or movie Thor ever wearing a breastplate, and then they go and stick one of those stupid-as-hell boobplates on her.

I'd heard that there was some confusion over this (that it was supposed to be Valkyrie and people freaked out at the art) but apparently it's weirder than that.

Axel Alonso, Marvel’s Editor-in-Chief: She wields the hammer because Thor can’t. This is different because for reasons we can’t disclose quite yet, Thor is unable to pick up the hammer. There are a number of women in Thor’s life, and we’re going to tease out for quite awhile the identity of who this woman is. But one of the women in Thor’s life picks up the hammer. She is in fact worthy. And she becomes Thor.

There’s only one Thor in the Marvel Universe. The character we know as Thor will not refer to himself as Thor anymore.

"She IS Thor!"
"Well, actually, Thor stops being Thor and she becomes Thor. Thor-Thor stops being Thor altogether. THOR!"

I suspect that, after the ridiculous way some people reacted to Idris Elba playing Heimdall, they realized that Thor fans are spectacularly easy to troll.

[Yogimus]

So what is happening is...


PLOT TWIST
- OMFG! THE PLOT TWISTED!

[Jericho941]

Yeah, pretty much.

Seriously thought, that boobplate needs to go. We've got superhero movies poking fun at the impracticality of capes, but continue to put women in armor that could serve no purpose besides killing the person wearing it.

[Yogimus]

That is pretty standard Valkyrie gear, established back in the days of operas. I daresay it is even traditional.


/Needs more pouches!
//AND AN AMMO BELT!

[Jericho941]

A point I would concede if the next Thor movie turns out to be an opera. :p

And... No. No Liefeld. Please no.

[Rod]

And in other news, Archie dies protecting his gay friend who is a senator campaigning for gun control. Seriously. The only thing they left out (probably) is that the shooter is a TEA Party member or a conservative. Link
Anything to seem relevant and not be.

[JustinR]

Funny, I don't recall comic book or movie Thor ever wearing a breastplate, and then they go and stick one of those stupid-as-hell boobplates on her.

Not to mention the third breast she grew on her head which apparently needs the same type of protection from her helmet.

[dfwmtx]

Where were you guys bitching about Hollyweird messing with Norse mythology back in 2011 when the first Thor film had a black Heimdall and an Asian Hogun? But now that Thor's a woman y'all get up in arms?

:jacked:
Dear Marvel,
Things in Norse myth which would make funny films, but which won't fit in with the Norse-flavored mythology we've created:
- Loki's verbal bitchslap upon the entire company of Asgard, Odin included
- the story behind Loki's ride, and why he doesn't transform into mares anymore.


/ :jacked:

I fully expect Hollywood to fuck with history when they don't like it. One of these days we'll finally have another Zorro movie, but this time he'll be fighting ninjas to save King Arthur